How have we come to this pass?

Today was a parent appreciation day at my son’s preschool. Well, the actual party was at the main building across town not at the actual school building. My wife took my son and after I got ready for work, I’d head out after them; I pulled into the parking lot around ten past nine. Admittedly, I did pull into the parking spot a little crooked and my rear tire was an inch or two over the line but the following events were totally uncalled for! As I exited Big Red, that’s my car, a man in the pickup truck behind me also got out. “Hey!” he shouted at me. “Can you see that your car is crooked?! You parked on the line!” I turned back, looked at the car then at the old man. I was in no mood to deal with him. “And? It’s no big deal. I’m only going to be here for a minute.” I turn from him and started walking again. “You’ll be lucky if your car isn’t smashed up when you get back!” I assumed he said that because the old man needed to get the last word in. My wife can attest to the fact that I, too, like to get the last word in but I had not time to dispense any geriatric justice at the moment so I shrugged him off and set off to find my son. After the brief visit – I walked in, looked around, hugged my son and wished him a good day – I started back to my car. To my surprise, the old man was still out there in his truck. Who the hell was this guy?! I still don’t know for sure, the old man never identified himself as anything other then an asshole. (A couple of co-workers believe he may be a security guard but like I said he never identified himself.) He hopped up and out of the truck like one of his many fleas decided it would be a good time to take a bite out of him. He was out of the truck, walking near the dumpster and stood in front of a pool cue-type pole. He was only an arms length from the possible weapon and obviously unstable. I had a sinking feeling at any moment this situation could head to the crapper. Honestly, this unprovoked aggression was pretty threatening. I’m glad my son was inside and didn’t have to witness this. “You know, old folks come in and out of here all the time and would have a problem parking in spots like that.” He was still close to the pole but starting walking to me. “Are you serious?” I said as I fumbled with my keys to unlock the door. Before I got in, I added, “If they can’t park in a space they can park next to you and the dumpster!” Damn, did my voice just crack? I hopped in, started the engine and attempted to put it in reverse. In the rear view I can see the old man right at my bumper! What the hell is with this guy?! He wanted me to hit him; he wanted the drama! I threw it in drive and cranked the wheel, there was just enough room to make the turn. Before I left the lot, I pulled out my handy, dandy camera once more and took a picture of the man as well as his truck. Unfortunately, the truck lacked a front plate and the guy looked like a bank robber - big black sunglasses and a truckers cap pulled down. As I pulled out the camera and aimed it at him, he started flailing his arms and yelling, “Yeah! Yeah! Go ahead! Take your picture! Take it! I have your plate numbers! I have your plate numbers! I have ‘em!” I took the photo so I could have something to identify this (kind of photogenic) old man in the event he sabotaged Big Red. Once I made it to work, I gave her a good once over and, thankfully, couldn’t find anything wrong with her. I don’t think I’ll be going back there for a long while. I could just imagine what could have happened… Sure, the old man looked pot-bellied and out of shape but given my luck, he’d remove his shirt to reveal a chiseled body, rippled with muscles upon muscles. I can see the headlines now, “Elderly man slays area super genius.” It would be subtitled with “Experts warn against Viagra use as psychotic episodes on the rise.” Can’t we all just get a long?

How have we come to this pass? How can I get to my car? Climb in, turn the ignition Pull onto the highway Where I am free Some crazy bastard wants to hit me He's waving me over so he can hit me And who the hell is he? I can't believe this is happening That crazy bastard wants to hit me ~ They Might Be Giants