The Best of...

"He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it." For the final post I wanted to share the posts I thought were the best here. If you have some favorites, post them in the comments. Thanks again for reading. You can keep this domain book marked, it will eventually be redirected to the new site. Peace and love.

Just doing my part (Bird Flu), posted November 14, 2005 You ate what? (My Sushi Experience), posted November 15, 2005 The war hits home, posted December 17, 2005 The adventures of a habitual traffic offender - parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, posted Jan '06 And so there I was, posted January 03, 2006 Honor among thieves, posted January 10, 2006 This is why I don't call the helpdesk, posted February 10, 2006 Lunch is served and its Mike's Mac, posted February 19, 2006 No good deed goes unpunished, posted February 26, 2006 It's a crappy story, posted February 27, 2006 Bickford Closing Stories - parts 1, 2, 3, 4 <- People dig pt. 4 Why lie... I need a pie, posted March 17, 2006 How have we come to this pass, posted May 25, 2006 The Ladies Man: The Ass Grabbing Incident, posted July 19, 2006

Oh, you're still here?

I know I said this site was dead but I've posted, including this one, three additional posts since. I haven't worked on the new site because I've been out of it most of this week due to, yet again, a horrible poison ivy rash. On 09/10, I decided that the lawn could use a good wacking. So I donned some shorts and slipped on some open-toed sandals. I figured I’d be fine, just go inside and wash with special anti-poison ivy soap I was conned into buying. I had a 15-minute window, so they said. The spinning head of the weedwacker indiscriminately chewed up the over grown grass (and poison ivy) and spit out the shreds, most of which covered my legs and fell on the exposed flesh of my feet. Yadda yadda yadda… I’m on a hefty script of prednisone. Hooray for me! I tried to treat it without going to see the Doc but that wasn't the smartest of choices. I'll be signing over power of attorney to my wife, I'm obviously incapable of caring for myself or making the correct choices for... ANYTHING! First bad decision: wearing shorts and sandals to weedwack. Second bad decision: weedwacking the area poison ivy is known to grow. Third bad decision: believing I really had a 15-minute window to wash the affected area before the outbreak would be absolute. Fouth bad decision: looking up alternate treatments on the Internets to avoid calling the doctor. The OTC antihistamine have totally kept me in a groggy state. Maybe I'll post some pictures of my feet. Maybe if my aunt had a mustache I'd call her my uncle. Who knows. Lots of love, -Mike UPDATE: Decided against the posting of the pictures of the outbreak. While at a wedding one of my lady friends was looking at the pictures I took of the wedding and accidently stumbled on to a picture of my foot. Her reaction pretty much sealed the deal on not posting. The fact that she wasn't totally put off keeps her in the running for next-wife... in case anything happens to the current model.

Because he's my son

Last night on the couch we, my wife and I, asked our son, "Do you know how many people are going to be in your family?" He thought for a moment then began counting. "One," he pointed to himself. "Two," he pointed to me. "Three," he pointed to my wife. "Four," touching her belly. "Five and six," as he then pointed to both her breasts. In his defense, her naturally lovely DD breasts have begun their magical transformation to the legendary DDD status and I guess babies living in breasts are about as realistic to a child as a babies living in stomachs. I thought I was chuckle worthy anyway.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road

Tonight I went down to mess around at an anti-porn protest in Northampton and as I sat in my car, waiting for the sprinkles to stop, I thought what the hell am I doing with my life? I spent the time from my lunch break to when I left work making a sign to hold as I mingled with the protesters. Looking at the sign, I keep asking myself, why? Why am I wasting time from my family to act out a joke only I’d get the punch line to? I’ve put a lot of thought into this and for the time being, I will no longer be updating this blog and it will eventually be taken down – once it’s all neatly backed-up. I need to take a break from everything that’s not important and refocus on other things in my life. Mike-Henry.com will still be developed, hopefully partnered with Rudius Media. I submitted some stories that I never posted on here for a variety of different reasons including, but not limited to, the fact my mother has been known to read a post or two. Basically, that’s it. I’m out. Lots of love guys! My thanks to MisterOrange.com for his story "Running" that inspired me to start the blog, folks over at AtomicTumor.com for being interesting, RockAss.net for linking to my panhandling story and to all my readers and commenters. I’m taking another three-day weekend this week. On Friday, my wife and I have another baby appointment and my son has his first day/orientation day of his second year of preschool then we’ll be going to the Franklin county fair. After that, it’s anyone’s guess. If you want to contact me for some reason: Leave a comment, I’ll reply… eventually. Email me: editor [at] theendisnow [dot] com Or if that one gives you problems: meice [at] hgenco [dot] org Yahoo IM: stupid_lemon_eater AIM: SymbioteOmega

It's something unpredictable But in the end is right I hope you had the time of your life

Fingertips

While searching for a domain to launch my new site, I came across alot of other Mike Henrys. The majority were in technical fields but this oddball stood out. FYI - I am NOT this Mike Henry. Nope. Nadda. Never. Ok... maybe. P.S. I'm only crazy for Coco-puffs. P.P.S. This week in God is two weeks behind. I missed a week while on vacation. New post later today. Peace.

Crikey! Who didn't see this coming...

My brother-in-law sent me a message earlier today: "DUDE THE CROC MAN DIED!!! SIR STEVE IRWIN IS DEAD, DEAD AND GONE, OH MAN I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS!!!!" The denial hit first, no way was he really dead! What the hell could have taken out the 'Crocodile Hunter'? Really now, come on! But unfortunately my friends, it's true! Steve Irwin really has passed on. RIP 09/04/06. Apparently, while shooting a segment for a series called "Ocean's Deadliest", Steve swam too close to a stingray. According to the article, stingrays have a poisonous barb on their tails and with a lucky stick the beast pierced his heart. As I'm writing this, my son (who snuck downstairs and is sitting with me because he cannot sleep) pointed at Steve's picture with the snake and stated, "Dad, that's the Crocodile Hunter from my Wiggles at the Zoo movie." "I know Ry." Should I tell him, should I not. "The story says he was stung by a stingray. He's not going to be on TV anymore." Carefully played. "He's not? Oh man!" Sourse: MSN.

In memory of Paula Wright

My Great Aunt passed away sometime yesterday after being diagnosed with an advance case of cancer. At this point, the specific illness diagnosis escapes me but when she was diagnosed she wasn't given much time. I can't say that we were particularly close, I can't really remember the last time I talked to her. It may have been at my Great Grandmother's funeral, but I can't say for sure. The last interaction I can remember was over seven years ago when I happened to be behind her and my Great Grandmother in line at the KFC/Taco Bell. I tried waving to them but I didn't get there attention so I fell back on my time tested method: laying on the horn. The two old women, I swear to you, both jumped up and hit their heads on the roof of Paula's car! My Great Grandmother gave a "you damned foolish kid" wave as they got their food then drove away. The service is tomorrow but the obituary feels like it's going to be a small, private service. I'll pay my respects after the service is over and everyone else has gone. Peace and love.

CNN Anchor Flubs Audio During Bush Katrina Speech - YouTube

I still don't understand women chatting it up in the bathroom. You go in, do your business, get out. This chick is in there talking about soulmates as she's pushing one out and badmouthing her sister-in-law. I'd have loved to hear more of what she was saying but it was hard to hear over that guy verbally defecating on camera. UPDATE: Kyra was on Letterman tonight doing the Top Ten Kyra Phillips Excuses. I've taken the liberty of "liveblogging" it for you. Enjoy, vultures!

10. "Still haven't mastered complicated On/Off switch" 9. "Larry King told me he does this all the time" 8. "How was I supposed to know we had a reporter embedded in the bathroom?" 7. "I honestly never knew this sort of thing was frowned upon" 6. "Couldn't resist chance to win $10,000 on 'America's Funniest Home Videos' " 5. "I was set up by those bastards at Fox News" 4. "Oh like you've never gone to the bathroom and had it broadcast on national television" 3. "I just wanted that hunky Lou Dobbs to notice me" 2. "Okay, so I was drunk and couldn't think straight" 1. "You have to admit, it made the speech a lot more interesting"

The Family Man: My Son's Tea Pot

A little while ago, we bought my son a tea set from Wal-Mart. That’s right, a tea set for a three year old boy – got a problem with that? Him and his mother play tea party and he loves it, it's wholesome quality time they have together. They used to play it with a mismatched set of plastic cups and plastic food. He's wanted a real one for a while but it's hard to find one that isn't solely oriented towards girls because, lets face it, it's usually a girl toy. Wal-mart had a white porcelain set (teapot, sugar bowl, creamer, and four plates with matching saucers) with a bear in a sweater on it, pretty much gender neutral and on the cheap. My son liked it, so we bought it. On the way home, he talked non-stop about the damned thing! Can I have my tea set? Can I have my tea set, please? Can I have my tea set, now? Aargh!! At one point we had to tell him to stop talking about it or it would be taken away. It seemed to work and he was finally quiet… for a while. Until a few minutes later when he announced, “Dad, I’m not thinking about the tea set anymore.” “Good and keep not thinking about it until we get home.” Five minutes from home he again announced, “I’m still not thinking about my tea set.” On Tuesday (08/29/06) of this week he asked me to fill his little sugar bowl. I didn't think anything of it and it didn't even strike me as odd that he'd need sugar for his "tea", which was only apple juice, so I filled the tiny bowl with sugar - it held as much as two soda bottle caps. Next thing I know, he's wide eyed and dipping his finger in the bowl, scooping out the sugar and eating it straight up! Of course, as if on queue, my wife came out of the office and her jaw drops while she watches him swirl his tongue in the little hole, desperately seeking any of the remaining sweetness. She then scolds me, stating when he asks her for it to be filled she only pretends to fill it! Well, lah-dee-dah! And to top it off, she adds, “Michael! He had a chocolate frosted, chocolate donut on the way home! He’s going to be wired!” Man, paint SUCKER on my forehead! For the next two hours the kid was indeed wired and bouncing off the walls! The best part was when he came up stairs while my wife and I were talking and watching TV in our bedroom. At some point he started hallucinating pretending we had a monkey family in the bedroom with us. The monkey parents had left the monkey baby and monkey baby sister alone in our room and my son was caring for them. "This is the monkey baby,” he said with his hands cupped, pretending to be holding it. He put that one down then cupped his hands again. "And this is the monkey baby sister." I leaned over and pretended to pet them. Apparently invisable baby monkeys are about the same size as a baseball. Who knew? That went on for a bit. Monkey baby this, monkey baby that. Suddenly he jumped up and ran around the room screaming, "The monkey baby sister grabbed a hold of my butt cheeks! Ahhhhh!" We just lost it. His facial expression and the way he was running around was just too funny. Soon he crashed from his sugar high and, after a thorough tooth brushing, was put to bed for the night.

Merry Katrina Eve

It's been a year since that Hurricane Katrina touched down and in a couple of days it will be the anniversary of it's sucessful 2-point conversion - breached levies. I'm a fan of most natural disasters because, lets face it, there are too many people on this rock and aren't we all a little better off now that there are less people to stand in front of us in line? The mainstream media and the blogosphere, whatever the hell that is, is up in arms over yet another poorly chosen metaphor used by that Ray Nagin. When will Nagin's fifteen be up? In response to questions about debris still littering his city's streets during a “60 minutes” interview, Nagin replied, “You guys in New York can’t get a hole in the ground fixed, and it’s five years later. So let’s be fair.” Yeah, lets be fair... For someone who doesn't mean to offend anyone with his comments, he sure does a good job at it! In observance of the one-year anniversary, Mayor Ray Nagin would like to share his delicious recipe for Chocolate. We join his press conference all ready in progress. How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, [ be health smart, people, use reduced fat! ] you mix it with white [ 2% ] milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about!

Wish you were there... nahh, not really.

When you get this, I will be gone but don't look for me, you won't find me. I'll be on a MUCH needed vacation from now until next Tuesday. I need figure my shit out and get the hell away from the office. It'll be a good time to reconnect with the wife. Next Monday will be our second wedding anniversary. Two years of marriage down, only seventy-eight to go! (Unfortunately, DeathClock only gives me 47 more years to live, 04/07/2053 - don't tell the wife.) We'll be at a beach for a couple of days then spending the rest of the time home, doing family things. Computer usage will be at a minimum and as for phone calls.. don't expect anyone to pickup. Lots of love.

Motherf***ing nature can bite my motherf***ing ass!

Earlier in the day, we should have known an ambulance stopping out in front of our house asking for directions should have been the ominous sign of bad things to come! A quick and fierce thunderstorm rolled into the village tonight, some time after five. My wife and son were outside, cleaning out her car when the storm started. It started with a strong wind, leaves and small branches flew threw the air. They quickly ran inside, drenched. Some time later, my wife called out to me, "Why is that car parked out in front of our house?" I walked out the front porch and looked at them. A camper, being pulled by a black pick-up truck, had stopped out in front of our back yard. I couldn't get a good look of why they had stopped, so I came back inside and looked out the living room window to see if I could get a better view. A better view indeed! The top of a tree had snapped and fallen on my son's play structure! As may be able to see from the picture, it's huge - at least a couple hundred pounds. For assistance with determining the size, the play structure is somewhere near eight feet tall at the peak of the canopy and the treetop, I estimate, is over ten feet tall and just about a foot thick at the base. Luckily, there wasn't much damage. Here's a run down:

• The screws for the beams of the canopy snapped but the wood is still in good shape.
• The structure was moved about six inches; the anchors were ripped up but no physical damage to the structure itself.
• The swingset bar, installed in June, was just fine. Because the structure moved, the A-frame support moved a little but nothing broke.
• Subsequent damage was tolled on my yard as a result of dragging the treetop off the structure and back to the base of the tree it fell from. I also cut up my arms a little moving that damned thing.
• My grill cover was also ripped to shit. Somehow a limb tore the cover off the grill and stabbed it into the ground. Luckily the grill shows no sign of damage. Why was it over there you ask? Well, I moved it to the edge of my property to avoid the smoke from going into my home and my neighbors homes. I guess one way to look at it is that I now have plenty of firewood for winter grilling.

All in all, the thing I'm most pissed about is that I had to get wet and dirty when I moved the tree. I HATE getting wet, especially from cold rain!

Now I need to find my chainsaw... I think I misplaced it after the last zombie attack.

This week in God

Part thirty of the fifty-two forty-nine part series of my continued coverage of the Faith Baptist Church in Greenfield. They update their sign weekly, usually by Thursday. Enjoy! Silver Street, Greenfield, Ma. Faith Baptist Church

GOOD WORKS ARE THE FRUIT NOT THE ROOT OF SALVATION!

Cross post from This week in God :: Read / Post Comments.

And now a word from our sponsors

Just a quick post. New This Week in God will be posted tomorrow.

• I've removed the Adult Friend Finder crap. Google can stay. More template changes underway this weekend.

• For those of you visiting from the keywords "Highland Pond", "Greenfield" and "gay" you're totally off. You should replace "Highland Pond" with "Poet Seat Tower". That's the gay crusing area. Look it up. All you need to do is walk out into the woods, wait a moment and suddenly gays will scurry out from behind trees offering their services. According to the news accounts and police logs anyway.

• The Al Franklin Show totally robbed me today. I was planning on coming home and posting the line "I have friends who are into beastiality, I've worked with people who are into beastiality, I have utmost respect for them." Bastards! I need to find another fool making a ridiculous comment now. I mean, come on! Comparing homosexuality to beastiality?! That's satirical gold!

• PsychoGirl story is done and is being proofed. It's going to be posted in parts because it's just too damned long otherwise.

• I took a 3hr on-line course for Advance HTML design on Thursday - on my company's tab. Three damned hours and the only thing I learned was the meta tag pragma. "Advanced" training is apparently using tables, frames and CSS. It's wasn't helpful at all but I can list it as an accomplishment, specialized training, and I did it on company time on the company's dime. I don't need more training... I think I need LSD or a mutant to rub my temples while chanting "Open your mind. Open your mind!"

The results are in...

We're having a girl! At least we're pretty sure, lack of proof is proof in itself. My wife has had a feeling she was going to have a girl. Another Life lession learned: the wife is always right (even if she's wrong). The number one comments I've received is that she's probably going to be "such a daddy's girl" and "she's going to have you totally wrapped around her finger." Janurary 7th is going to be here before we know it and there is so much to do: birth refresher class, sibling class for our son, setting up the nursery and picking out the baby's name. Unfortunately, my boy names I had picked out won't be able to used. The list included many gems, such as: George Michael, Annyong, Bryce, Maverick, Alton, Carl, Soda, Glenn, Peter, Goku, Stewie, Barry, Jason, Tobias, Seven, Foster, Spike, Naruto, Rocky, Apollo, Blue #2, and Prince Michael Henry (lost that battle with the first one, too). Now, I need to come up with a good girls name... like Moxy Crimefighter.

Would you be my hero?

Back in May, Mister Orange posted his “Ultimate” question: How many [combat trained] 5 year-olds could you take out at once? There were stipulations and conditions to the brawl, of course. If you haven’t yet, read over and maybe throw up your own response. It’s pretty interesting to think about… if you’re into fighting children that is. I figured I could take out about fifty of the little buggers. Another commenter thought they were tougher and bragged they could take around one hundred! As much as I’d love to debate further on how many five year-olds could be taken out, I want to toss out my own question. Can I borrow twenty dollars? Question: If you could have any special ability or powers, what would they be? With the bonus question: How would you use them? Focus points:

• Yes, I’m asking because of that “Heroes” show.
• The ability or power does not necessarily have to be limited to comic or cartoon characters. But if that’s your train of thought, there are no limits on the universe or brand, any and all are welcome. Also, fear not the label of “Joey Gladstone.” Adult cartoon watchers are not all Ninja Turtle pajama wearing, woodchuck puppet sodomizing weirdoes… except on the weekends. After a few beers.
• You can always opt out and not want powers. But give me a big why not.

My answer:

• I’d want to have a symbiotic costume like Venom but it’d have to be less mind controlling and more like Spawn’s living armor.
• The ability to use the ever-popular anime Ki blasts, specifically like those in the Dragon Ball Trilogy.
• The ability to use the Sharingan from the series Naruto. I know, I know, the Byakugan are said to be more powerful but they’re a dull gray and the users face gets all veiny. Yuck.
• I wouldn’t want to be indestructible or able to fly. Those aren't really appealing. Immortality, too, is out of the mix.

Now, what say you?

Iron man Folgore, Invincible Folgore, Brave and strong Folgore, He always wins the day.

Maddox to be on WAQY/Rock102 Tomorrow!

The Brokeback Morons, Bax & O'Brien will interview Maddox tomorrow sometime between 5:30am to 10:00am. I didn't hear the specific time he'll be on but it should be interesting. Especially since it seems no one there has read the book. Tune in to 102.1 FM and check it out or wait for it's eventual inclusion to their archive.

More to come

Last week's and this week's This week in God has been posted. Enjoy. I discovered last week that users of YouTube have posted the original Japanese language versions of Naruto with English subs. I started with episode 60 which is a few episodes ahead of what they're showing on Toonami and have made it to 101. Thats upwards of around 15 hours or so of vegging. I have some new stuff I've been working on, it'll be posted soon.

This week in God

Part twenty-nine of the fifty-two forty-nine part series of my continued coverage of the Faith Baptist Church in Greenfield. They update their sign weekly, usually by Thursday. Enjoy! Silver Street, Greenfield, Ma. Faith Baptist Church

GOD COMFORTS THE DISTURBED AND DISTURBS THE COMFORTABLE!

Cross post from This week in God :: Read / Post Comments.

This week in God

Part twenty-eight of the fifty-two forty-nine part series of my continued coverage of the Faith Baptist Church in Greenfield. They update their sign weekly, usually by Thursday. Enjoy! Silver Street, Greenfield, Ma. Faith Baptist Church

THE BEST VITAMIN FOR A CHRISTIAN B-1

No exclamation point?! Wow!

Cross post from This week in God :: Read / Post Comments.