Basshunter - Boten Anna - YouTube

Kind of makes me want to fire up mIRC and go chatting. "I'm not a bot, I'm a really nice girl." That's the kind of thing a bot would say! The actual site, Basshunter, has a better quality video as well as videos subtitled in different languages.

Where's the PsychoGirl story?

Actually, I was --THIS-- close to not posting or finishing it. Writing out everything was theraputic and I was ready to just drop it, accepting it as the unchangable past. Maybe even stop referring to her as PsychoGirl... But the story is back in the works, leeches! Last Saturday, out of the blue, her husband instant messaged me on MySpace. Here is that raw conversation, nothing has been changed.

matt: is your name really Michael Henry? The Dude: yes matt: and are you from greenfield? The Dude: Originally, Millers now. matt: are you a godfather to any children? The Dude: Not that I know of... matt: do u know a girl named nancy from greenfield The Dude: oh, her. matt: why do u say it like that The Dude: she still talks about me? matt: no but i was browsing myspace and i saw your name michael henry matt: and our oldest son michael is named after u matt: havent changed his last name yet matt: its michael henry The Dude: are you serious? Why didn't you adopt him and change his name? matt: i am working on it matt: it takes a while trust me i have looked into it matt: its not that easy matt: i am sorry if i bothered u The Dude: the first step is I guess finding the real father... The Dude: no, you didn't bother me matt: ok matt: i met u at one point matt: u had glasses and long hair The Dude: Yeah, I remember you. Glad to see you're still together and things have worked out matt: yeah we have been together a long time nowe matt: now matt: she has changed a lot matt: she doesnt party anymore matt: just takes care of the family matt: nancy said u were the godfather The Dude: Not that I'm aware of. I'm sure that was something we might have discussed but I don't think I agreed to anything matt: oh cause michael asks where his name came from and nancy tells him his godfather The Dude: oh. matt: so your married matt: congratulations matt: congrats on your kids The Dude: yup. we've been together for 5 years now, married for almost two The Dude: thanks matt: thats cool The Dude: next one is due in Jan matt: we have been married almost 3 years matt: 3 kids matt: well michael matt: and zackary and ellazondra matt: well dont wanna take up to much of your time The Dude: I've seen the pictures on her myspace matt: well it was nice chatting maybe we can chat again gotta get ready for work The Dude: No problem. Take it easy. matt: you to matt: take care matt: can i add u on my list The Dude: sure matt: ok cool *** matt's IC window is closed

I did add him to my friends list, but removed him soon after because of my many "friends" only posts. For the record, I am no ones god father. For educational purposes only, here is her myspace page. But just don't harass her. (I could care less if you did, but for liability sake I have to disclaim any and all involvement.) When I was first notified that she had a page and I checked it out, there were quiet a few references and apologies to me. Give me a break. If you have an account, view her pictures. She has a picture of the boy who she told I was their "god father". Note the skin color. I'm busy with two new for-profit web ventures but I'll have the story up by the end of the week. I'll leave you to talk amoungst yourselves.

See ya, Mel! - Revisited

I'd heard that Melanie Martinez made not one but two 30-second video clips. After the news broke about her firing, I could only find the anal sex one. After watching this weeks edition of The Soup, I saw the second one. I'd love it if there were more of her. She's so damn cute.

Feasting on Asphalt, TODAY!

Can't talk today. Too excited. Why? Today's the day! It's the day of the Good Eats marathon, followed by the one-hour behind-the-scenes special then it's finally time for the premier of Alton Brown's new mini-series "Feasting on Asphalt"! And because I like to gloat, here is a picture of me and him from the Great Big Food show 2004 in Pennsylvania. I was star struck until we got back home. Marathon episode listing: 3:00pm-"I Pie" 3:30pm-"Waffle Truth" 4:00pm-"Pantry Raid: Pasta" 4:30pm-"Wanton Ways" 5:00pm-"Fry Hard 2: The Chicken (Fried)" 5:30pm-"A Pie in Every Pocket" 6:00pm-"Curious Yet Tasty Avocado Experiment" 6:30pm-"Raising the Steaks" 7:00pm-"This Spud's for You" 7:30pm-"A Rib for All Seasons" 8:00pm-"Good Eats: Behind the Eats" --- NEW!! Episode repeats at 3am. 9:00pm - Feasting on Asphalt: "The South Shall Fry Again" Episode repeats at 12am.

This week in God

Part twenty-seven of the fifty-two forty-nine part series of my continued coverage of the Faith Baptist Church in Greenfield. They update their sign weekly, usually by Thursday. This week they multi-tasked and used both sides! Enjoy! Silver Street, Greenfield, Ma. Faith Baptist Church

SATURDAY NIGHT ALIVE CONCERT MUSIC BY SILOAM JULY 29 630PM

SOUTHERN GOSPEL CONCERT WITH THE EATONS SUNDAY JULY 30 6PM

Cross post from This week in God :: Read / Post Comments.

Operation Groucho - GoogleVideo

Watch and learn as the Badmouth crew gives a statue an extreme humor makeover in broad daylight! All the cool people seem to live in California, especially in the Sacramento area.

Gibberish of the day

My setup here is almost back up 100%, I'm going to miss my linux setup but alas my digital camera doesn't work here and I don't care for the photoediting software I've come across for this platform. I'll probably have a real post tomorrow. Until then, I'll be playing the MUD I've been working on since highschool - locally because this system is hidden under my current router setup - and to tide you over, I just typed up some stupid crap I've scribble at work over the past few months. Enjoy. It's always sunny in Hell What am I supposed to do, Who am I supposed to be? I know what you expect, but that can never really be me. ~M.E.H 07/26/06 The rose The rose was for you It smelled sweet like love My car lost control and I killed a homeless man when I swerved to miss a dove In lockup I sit and think if you weren't such a high maintaince biatch I'd be home asleep ~M.E.H 07/14/06 A gift for my love... Nah baby, these were for you It's a gift that would look hot Ignore the blood stains those are from the store clerk I shot ~M.E.H 07/10/06 The hookup I bought you a cookie, so lets have sex I want the nookie, ignore all the mess Don't brush your teeth, theres no time Don't take a shower, you smell just fine Just wear the paperbag, it helps set the mood I can't look at your face, it reminds me of poo Lets keep this hook between you and me My doctor will know too, because I'm sure you have an STD. ~M.E.H 06/23/06

See ya, Mel! - GoogleVideo

If you have preschool age kids and have cable, you probably recognize the woman in this video. Her name is Melanie Martinez and she used to play "Melanie" on the Good Night show airing on PBS KIDS Sprout. Having seen the video, I don't get what the big deal is but the folks over to PBS KIDS Sprout don't share my loose moral values as told in this release on the PBS KIDS Sprout website:

A Notice To Parents Regarding The Good Night Show Late late week, Melanie Martinez, host of The Good Night Show, alerted us to the internet posting of an independent short film that she appeared in seven years ago. PBS KIDS Sprout has determined that the dialogue in this video is inappropriate for her role as a preschool program host and may undermine her character's credibility with our audience. As a result, PBS KIDS Sprout has decided that she will no longer appear as host of The Good Night Show. Melanie has been an important part of our network and we are disappointed that we had to make this difficult decision. PBS KIDS Sprout's foremost priority is to do what is best for our young viewers and their families. We remain committed to The Good Night Show, which debuted last year, as a valuable tool for parents to help children wind down after a busy day. Regularly scheduled programs within The Good Night Show (e.g. Dragon Tales, Bob the Builder, Thomas & Friends) will continue to air in their designated time slots with new short-form content replacing Melanie's segments. We are developing plans to launch a new season of The Good Night Show with a new host late in 2006. Posted Thursday, July 20, 2006 at 6:02 p.m. ET

I'm going to miss that cutie.

Be back later...

Viruses. Spyware. Uncontrolled pop-ups. Programs randomly closing. Photoshop corrupted. Reinstalling doesn't help. Crashes after splash screen. Feeling confused, betrayed, hurt. I'll be back later... after a complete format and reinstall.

This week in God

Part twenty-six of the fifty-two forty-nine part series of my continued coverage of the Faith Baptist Church in Greenfield. They update their sign weekly, usually by Thursday. Enjoy! Silver Street, Greenfield, Ma. Faith Baptist Church

LORD HELP ME TO STAND FOR SOMETHING LEST I FALL FOR ANYTHING!

Cross post from This week in God :: Read / Post Comments.

The Ladies Man: The Ass Grabbing Incident

In high school, weird and freaky girls loved me. I don’t know why. Could it have been the three piercings in my left ear, my longish hairstyle, my adept ability to feign interest and act like I’m interested or was it something else all together? I have no clue but the fact is, I was a freak magnet. Lucky for me, I now have this little gold band which scares off all but the most determined freak, confused young man or high priced streetwalker. It was my senior year and I was coming out of a bad relationship, stage three clinger with a bad case of who’s my baby’s daddy drama – had I played my cards right you could have seen me on Maury! It took a long time to actually cut all ties with PsychoGirl, any of you who’ve dated psychos know it’s not easy. That whole ordeal is another story, one that I’m not quiet ready to write. It's a little too personal. This story is about a run in with one of her friends. After the break up with PsychoGirl, I was pursued by a few of her friends. I really wasn’t anything special in high school [not a passive aggressive attempt to solicit comments on how great I was]; sure I had a car, job and some money but that’s pretty much it and I lacked all but the most basic social skills when it came to girls. Even though I’m sure it wasn’t around yet, after I broke up with PsychoGirl I was like that dude in the grocery store shopping for that body spray. In my case, they weren’t all attractive fillies who were throwing themselves at me. About three were but the rest were hideous trolls and lepers. Most of PsychoGirl’s friends, much like her, were a rung or two down the evolutionary ladder. Needless to say, none of them were my type but that didn’t stop them… it never stops them! On this day, lunch period had just ended and I was walking with my friend Jay to our English class. [Rusty Blossom was the best English teacher. Period.] As we walked, we were bullshitting about something and I was more in tune with the conversation than what was happening around me. We had just come to the mural before the cosmetology shop when something unexpectedly pinched my ass! It wasn’t either cheek but a mere millimeter or two to the right of the ol’ rosebud! I yelped and swatted behind me, turning around as I did. Like my father’s hero, Forest Gump, I honestly thought something had bitten my buttocks. When I swatted, my hand connected with a trollish girl’s hand and for a brief moment, we were holding hands. When I realized what happened, I immediately let her go. It took a couple of seconds to process the situation; I’m slow like that. Inexperienced with being the recipient of an ass pinch and in shock, our eyes met and a beaming smile grew on her blushing face as she looked at me. Oh, boy. Uncomfortably out of my element, I returned an insincere half smile, turned around then double-timed it the hell out of there. Jay caught up with me as I just rounded the corner. I explained to him what had happened, even though I’m pretty sure he witnessed at least part of it. Of course, he laughed. He laughed his ass off. He loved the fact I was a freak magnet. “Dude, it’s not funny! She pinched my friggn’ asshole!” My plea to stop laughing only brought tears to his eyes as he laughed even harder. I have yet to live down the day I was groped in that hallway. I managed to successfully avoid future contacts with her. But there were still other girls to contend with. Many more girls. Oh well, we’ve all been there, right? RIGHT?

Who ya gonna call?

Greenfield, Massachusetts Just happened to be driving on Wisdom Way and looked out on the highway. I noticed a trooper with a car pulled over, so I got nosey and had to check it out. From what I saw, the trooper had this car pulled over then another car pulled up, a person got out, was ushered across the street, entered the car and drove away. Weird. They created quiet a back up with their antics. I snapped these pictures, made eye contact with the trooper, got a vibe and then got the hell out of there.

Bush at the G8 - YouTube

Who hasn't heard or seen this clip yet? Not only does the guy utter the word shit, he does so with a mouth full of food. What an ass. Some broadcasters aired it uncensored and other bleeped it. I fear for our children... what kind of example does this set? Ahh, who gives a shit.

Bill O'Reilly on David Letterman - YouTube

This is old but one of my favorite clips. I watched it live and immediately wanted to watch it again. Believe it or not, Willy had the clip on his website for a while. Who knows why... The clip is just over 11 minutes.

He needs pie, too.

Big Y Parking Lot, Greenfield, Massachusetts On Friday I stopped into the Big Y to pick up some OTC medication (use your imagination as to which and for what) and browse the produce section for veggies in the shape of famous people. The trip was bust on the latter but mission accomplished on the medication. On the way out of the parking lot I came across this pandhandler. I offered him two dollars for permission to take a picture, he obviously agreed - that's my money in his hand! I dig panhandling. I tried it once and wrote it up here - Why lie... I need a pie!

Here's my attempt at a little online panhandling:

SITE NEEDS SUPPORT, CLICK ON ADS. GOD BLESS.

Please? No? Oh well. Maybe I should try the real deal again. House needs a roof, fuel oil needs to be prepaid, new baby on the way, need money for college, ninjas killed my family... lots of good reasons for cash and lots of easy gimmicks to jot on a card board sign!

If you haven't yet, check out my favorite pandhandler - the Panhandling Banana. He rocks ass - not only because his domain is RockAss.net nor the fact that he plugged my panhandling story but due to all those things in conjunction with the fact that he's hung out with Rob Cockerham.

Weekend New Wrap-up

Last week was the last week of that feature. From now on this will be more of a photoblog. My stories and such will be on a new site that is in development. I enjoy the writing but I’m not really a blogger.

Water Trap Prank - YouTube

I would be super pissed if this happened to me.

Home Alone

Let me start off by saying that as much as I loathe people, I really do not like being alone. Especially home alone. This place is haunted. Wooooo… spooky… Nahh, it’s just really boring and quiet. Why am I alone tonight? Well, my wife took our child and left me… to go on their annual road trip with her sister, I wasn’t able to get the days off. Oh well, I hate the beach anyhow. All that sand, scantly clad ladies, the crabs… Who needs it? Not I! So, as I am sitting here waiting for Letterman to come on, I can only imagine the antics those two girls are getting themselves into. The drive up to the Maine / New Hampshire border was probably uneventful since my sister-in-law will be doing most of the driving. I’m sure there will be the occasional wrong turn, food pit stops and bathroom breaks – three year olds and pregnant women are infamous for their incessant need for bathroom breaks. They left the house at nine o’clock and arrived at the beach within an hour and a half. (Had I been driving, the trip would have been less than an hour. I’ve been known to be a bit aggressive. Attempted vehicular homicide… whatever the hell that means.) While waiting for the early check in at the hotel, around eleven or twelve, they’ll be lounging on the beach: my wife will have laid on a beach towel reading some trashy romance novel and her sister and my son will have played in the sand. After the ol’ ball n’ chain got bored with the reading, she joined in on the fun and everyone entered the water. Splish, splash. Eventually they make their way to the hotel, check in and relax for a few hours. They’ll soon have lunch, prepared by my wife from the food she packed and it will be enjoyed in front of the television. In my experience, the television programming in most hotels and motels sucks. More often than not you’re stuck watching some asshat like the verbal defecators Oprah and Dr. Phil. Rejuvenated and reenergized, the trio hit the town. They make their way to all the regular stops at the junk stores and the knock-off clothing stores. My wife will have browsed through the clothes and looked at the jewelry and brandish the occasional replica katana. When she goes off to find our child and her sister, she’ll find the two taking turns tazing each other with one of the many thirty-dollar tazers available from various stores along the strip. For a quick pick me up snack, cinnamon sugar fried dough then it’s back to the beach until dinnertime. They’d return to the hotel for a quick shower to rinse off that salty brine then slipping into something more comfortable. For my wife, something low cut and eye-popping. Her sister, not to be outdone, also dons something equally as eye-popping and flashy with silver or gold sequins. My son will be dressed in a dark colored outfit to avoid any noticeable spills during dinner. They leave the hotel on foot in search of a sit down restaurant. The stairs, hoots and whistles don’t deter them from their mission and it isn’t far down the road until they find a suitable seafood restaurant. As it is with all women who are super model sexy, they are moved to the front of the line and are offered a booth right away. They didn’t notice, but some fugly girls with their leper boyfriends are ushered away to a table near the door to the kitchen. I can only guess at their choice of entrée: cup of clam chowder and a clam or lobster roll for my wife, mac & cheese and hotdog for my son, and I really have no clue for my sister-in-law… maybe soup, salad and breadsticks. I’m pretty sure she’ll have spent some time at the bar, throwing back some shots and fending off the occasional would-be suitor, drunken sailor, blind man, and confused young woman. Night fell and the group decides to retire back to the hotel. My son crashed as his head hit the pillow, exhausted from the day’s adventure. The hotel room has two beds and a sheet in the middle to provide privacy. Since my son’s asleep, they pull the privacy curtain, strip to their bra and panties, turn on a little trashy television and start up a little “girl” talk. All worked up from their story exchanging and not ready for bed, my sister-in-law dressed to party and left the hotel in search for a club. Not an hour later, she returns with a couple of sexy girls and a lesbian orgy erupts. At least that’s how I envision their day as I sit here and sip my rodeo cool beer from a kool-aid man mug between bites of Chinese take-out.

This week in God

Part twenty-five of the fifty-two forty-nine part series of my continued coverage of the Faith Baptist Church in Greenfield. They update their sign weekly, usually by Thursday. Enjoy! Silver Street, Greenfield, Ma. Faith Baptist Church

DOVE AWARD NOMINEES THE KEFFERS FRIDAY JULY 14 7PM GREAT GOSPEL MUSIC!

Visit their website, TheKeffers.com, they'll be so glad if you did!

Cross post from This week in God :: Read / Post Comments.

The Ladies Man

This story is from my seventh grade year spent at the Greenfield Middle School. I was a pretty quiet kid in school and my nose was usually buried in a book. Ahh, books. I read lots of books that year: the Hitchhiker’s Guide series, Star Trek: The Next Generation series, and for some reason computer repair manuals. I used to be really into computers, not these modern marvels but old school 8088, 80286 and 80386 machines with 2400, 9600 and 14.4kbps modems that connected to ASCII based BBS systems. Those were the days, but that’s also another story.

[RETRO-SPEAK: After the middle school, I chose the Franklin County Technical Vocational High school instead of the more academically focused Greenfield High school. I didn’t see myself going to college right away and like the idea that I’d have training right out of high school to get a decent job. I set out looking for computer support work. No, thanks. I’ve lost complete interest in computer support because of how incredibly dumb most people (who I’ve assisted, supported, or what have you) are! No body reads! It’s also too stressful. I’m pretty sure monitors are sources of low-level gamma radiation – I’ve been feeling Hulk-ish. As of this writing, I’ve been employed, working on/with computers, for various lengths at no less than twenty different employers. Some positions were temp but most I just quit. My wages have varied from $5.75 to $14.25 an hour. I’m still on the quest for employment happiness. Also, I have yet to enroll in college. Most people I know who’ve graduated with their little BA are complete dumb asses. Maybe it’s the crowd I roll with.]

I had just moved on from the hair pulling, teasing because I like you stage and on to the note passing stage but not quiet to the actually talking with the girl I like stage. Girls were developing in all the right places and I was taking notice. Some were developing but were staying prime and proper, some were changing their look to flaunt their newly developed asses and others looked like they emerged from the cocoon too early and were stuck mid-metamorphoses.

[PERV-SPEAK: One of the best happenings in my middle school career was a scene I witnessed one day in my seventh grade science class. Class had just started and in walked in a tardy female student. She was a known troublemaker, a rebel of the establishment. If not for the oversized, aviator style glasses I wore back in the day, my eyes would have jumped from their sockets and leaped across the room. In she walked wearing a red flannel half shirt (must have been a “custom” made jobbie, I’ve never seen a flannel shirt like that before and haven't since). The bottoms of her large, bountiful breasts, covered by a white silky bra of course, were exposed where the shirt ended. Needless to say, I’m not really sure what the lesson plan was that day. Unfortunately, that was as close as I got to see breasts that year. I’m sure that it’s a sad occurrence when young girls are burdened with large, bouncy fun bags. As a hard up (pre)teen boy, it’s hard to believe anything bad could come from something so wonderful. As a father who is currently expecting his next child, a child who has yet to be discovered to be a boy or a girl, I have to say that girls like her scare the hell out of me! Oh please, oh please, be a boy!]

It was just another day in my English class. Throughout my school career, English was one of my favorite subjects. Given my rather limited vocabulary, poor grammar and tendency to misuse words, you may be surprised that I’ve even attended such a class. There was nothing special about my seventh grade English teacher; she was an older lady who taught from the “old school” and wasn’t with it when it came to the youth. It wasn’t her teaching technique that had forever etched her class on these little gray cells of mine. No, it was because of just one incident. An incident involving a girl. We had just finished reading some story in class. I remember neither the name of the story or a any quotes, I only have a vague recollection that the story dealt role reversals of men and women in society. To demonstrate the point, the teacher called on volunteers to come in front of the class and act out some scenes. The teacher first called on girls to volunteer, a lovely young girl, who we’ll call Emily, was selected. Then the teacher called for boy volunteers. Apparently not raising your hand and raising your hand are one in the same as I was also selected. So, there I was, in front of the class with this extremely cute girl by my side and then the bomb was dropped. “Emily, I would like you to ask Mike out. Like you would for a date.” Immediately, I was flushed with embarrassment and retreated inside. Oh boy, shy is an understatement. After a brief pause and a deep breath Emily ask, “So, Mike, do you like to…” Oh, bless her. She tried. She asked about my interest in television, sports, movies, books, going to the local park. Nothing. To every question, I’d reply with a quick “No”, “Don’t really like that”, or “I’m not really into that.” I would have been totally out of my comfort zone talking with her like that one on one, let alone in front of the entire class! Finally, after I had turned down one suggestion too many, the teacher stepped in and suggested that I just go with it. “So, do you like baseball?” There was a bit of annoyance in her voice. “Yeah, it’s ok.” Mumbled it, but successful! “I have a couple of tickets to the Red Sox’s, would you like to go to the game with me?” “Sure.” And, scene. The teacher called for applause and we were allowed to return to our seats. Her friends comforted her upon her return and I took the walk of shame back to my seat, object of ridicule. The whole skit seemed to have lasted an hour but was probably only ten minutes. I never pursued Emily and, oddly enough, she never pursued me. She hung out with the jockish kids and seemed pretty much unapproachable to a kid like me. After the Middle School she went on to the Greenfield High School. I haven’t seen her since. I wonder if she remembers that oddball kid who she stood in front of an English class with her, unwilling to be asked out!

Need a laugh?

Greenfield, Massachusetts Like your local news presented in an unintentionally comical way? Full of flubs, misspeaking and lame attempts at comedy? Dig fake conversations at the end of the show? Then check out Springfield's Choice for local news, CBS 3 WSHM! Last winter, they stuck their weatherman out of the "CBS TV 3 Weather Patio" to report the weather. He was out there with his little blue earmuffs and rosey cheeks. I haven't seen that Weather Patio guy in a while, the new weather guy is kept in studio. They have some news clips of their stories on their website, CBS3Online.com. None of their flub up ones, though. I just happened to be driving down to the Dunkin Donuts for a coffee when I saw the SUV. She seems like a pretty decent drive, notice the perfect stop at the stop line. Oh well. I took the shot, went into the shop and asked for a large French Vanilla Coffee. "So, that was one iced coffee?" the prepubescent clerk asked. "Heh. No," I snipped. I drink only hot coffee - Iced coffee is an abomination! A different guy prepared my coffee. With a smile he said, "He didn't say iced coffee." The coffee was too hot to sip but would be at the perfect temperature once I got back to the office. Fast forward the getting back in the car, driving, getting out, and entering the building. I switched hands with the coffee and finagled with the security pass. I was almost there when disaster struck. As I walked past the water fountain, the bottom of the coffee cut hit the mouth piece of the fountain and it flipped out of my hand... spilling on the carpet! I looked both ways, no one was around so I jogged up to my cube leaving the carpet wet and smelling of french vanilla. I really wanted that coffee, too!

Weekend News Wrap-up

[ STAMFORD ADVOCATE ] Surcharge to be tacked on traffic tickets for towns and cities "It definitely happened under the radar screen," said state Rep. Michael Lawlor, D-East Haven, who voted against the measure because he considered the bill "extremely simplistic and not well-written." [ DAILYKOS ] Ted Stevens on the internets This is the funniest thing I've heard in a while. It ranks right up with a school buddy explaining to a dunce how email worked. "It's kind of like a fax machine." You had to be there. (Still searching for a sound bite.) [ YAHOO ] Large asteroid zips harmlessly past Earth I wonder how many times we've almost been wiped out over the years. [ INFINITYLABS ] Invisible Cloaks in Action - Video Demonstrations Not quite invisible, more like semi-translucent. Is it real? [ OHIO ] Man serves year in Iraq because of military clerical error Insert Clerks joke here. [ CNN ] Enron founder Ken Lay dies I'm not sure what to say to that. I'm sure there's a joke there somewhere. How'd he die? Who knows? Everyone seems to have a theory. [ ONE RED PAPERCLIP ] 503 Main Street Wow. Mission accomplished. The BlogSpot domain is blocked at my work, maybe yours too. In a nutshell, the guy started with a paperclip and has been trading. Ahh, the Internet. [ NYDAILYNEWS ] Greedy funeral firm treats sanit vet 'like garbage' The headline wasn't too objective. If you take a step back and look at it from the funeral homes point of view, it was a $8600 bill. Would you not want your money? Verbal agreements mean nothing. Had they presented an assignment of benefits to the home there would not have been a problem. Just a lame story. [ MAINICHI-MSN ] Shibuya's sleazy happening bars offer chaotic, erotic action at bargain prices I wonder if Tucker Max has a story that could top this. [ YAHOO ] Jailed Mafia boss to have in-vitro baby Seems like a perfect situation. I like this quote, “Madonia, who comes from a family of renowned Mafia bosses, got married in jail in 1992. Investigators were baffled when the couple's first child was born in 2000, while Madonia was already in detention and was theoretically barred from having any private encounter with his wife.”

Sunday Bloody Sunday - LuLu.TV

Someone had too much time on their hands. Enjoy.

Greenfield Fireworks 2006

Greenfield, Massachusetts Went to the fireworks last night with my son. They were decent. Better late than never.

Fun facts about me

I was updating my MySpace page and thought I'd also post this here.

• I'm a breast man.
• I've never had an STD but have been around the block.
• I've never cheated on a girlfriend or my spouse but I've been cheated on by an Ex.
• I suffer from (idiopathic) insomnia. Pending actual diagnosis.
• I have one tattoo, Venom spider, left arm.
• I have a birthmark on my back in the shape of a fish.
• I have a third nipple. It's below the one on the left. Really!
• As a child, a deciduous lower central and lower lateral incisor fused and erupted as a double tooth. When it fell out only one tooth took its place. So, while you have four bottom front teeth, I have three.
• Had my first bar experience 12/21/05. Memorable.
• I work for an insurance company as a Customer Service Representative. I'm not much for this customer service fad. I'm not qualified to work there and am a pretty lousy employee but I make a ridiculous amount money for the work I do. God Bless America.

Nothing else you need to know except, make the check out to cash!

TourettesGuy video - YouTube

This is what I imagine my buddy DorkyKid to have grown into. Video should be considered NSFW. Check out all the videos at TourettesGuy.com. I laughed to tears at this guy's videos! I suppose if I were a better person I'd feel bad. Yeah, if I only I were...

On selling out...

Just wanted to drop a quick line. I'm trying ads. Just want to see what I'll bring in after two months. If I decide it's not worth it, they'll be gone. If I actually bring in any dough, I'll keep the services that work and drop the others. Right now I'm using Google AdSense, Kontera and Adult Friend finder (honestly, I love breasts). I'm not using any lame service that has pop-ups. I'm totally against the pop-up. I would use BlogAds but they changed to a sponsor type signup and I don't know what that entails. If you use BlogAds and get a kickback for referral or sponsor drop me a line. Any thoughts? Hate it, love it, better ad service?

This week in God

Part twenty-four of the fifty-two forty-nine part series of my continued coverage of the Faith Baptist Church in Greenfield. They usually update their sign weekly but it's a repeat this week. Enjoy the leftovers! Silver Street, Greenfield, Ma. Faith Baptist Church

FAITH IS NOT A LEAP INTO THE DARK BUT A STEP INTO THE LIGHT!

Cross post from This week in God :: Read / Post Comments.

The day after the day before yesterday

Did everyone celebrate his or her independence yesterday? I do everyday, so it was just another day in the life of Mike. Here's how things went down. One of my favorite things about owning my own home is the ability to grill outside and as tradition requires, I planned to barbeque. I believe after the signing of the Declaration of Independence John Hancock fired up the ol’ barbeque pit, Thomas Jefferson invited over some ladies, one of the guys who scribble their name tossed on some steaks and everyone cracked open a few beers. Look it up. Unfortunately, I had no hotdogs or any meat to speak of, so I rounded up the family and set out to find an open store. Before we left, we decided that we’d eat lunch out – my wife and I were craving turkey clubs but were too lazy to make them for ourselves. You know how it is. Had we thought of it sooner, we would have looked into eating at the Shady Glenn. They’re food is awesome. Instead we patronized Bickford’s Family Restaurant in Greenfield. Bickford’s is a scab on the backside of Greenfield that I just can’t help but pick at. Here, look at these forks. You can’t help but laugh! The dollar store across the street has a four or eight pack of matching forks. (I’d provide the price they’re selling at but if you can’t figure that out I don’t care for you as a person.) What’s their excuse?! I do have to admit that the service was particularly decent on this day. They pulled out their best C+ game. As I took my first bite of the over toasted club, light reflected from the bald spot of a man who sat the booth behind ours. There was something about that fluffy gray hair, the bald spot and the slouch that seemed familiar. Hella familiar. The light bulb suddenly clicked on and I knew who it was, it was so obvious! With a purple crayon, given to my son to draw on those placemats they provide, I wrote a note on a napkin and passed it to my wife, who scoffed and crumbled the napkin up.

DALTON ATHEY Dalton was in the company of another gentleman and the two were in a heated conversation. I couldn’t take a picture, so no picture proof. Sometimes even I have a pang of conscience and think I may be too obsessive with my picture taking. Dalton’s companion frequently made nervous eye contact with me – he looked shady, I look like a cop. There’s a reason I get the high and tight. Instant respect and intimidation, believe it! [ Since I couldn’t take a picture of the man, I present to you the man’s drink. Note the lemon. ] From what I overheard of the duo’s conversation, they were plotting ways to show up the Mayor – you know, the one who won the election while he was the loser, the one who lost, the one which failed to gain the support of the public. Also based on what I overheard, I could call him a sore loser pissy diaper pants head but I won’t. What I will say is, Get over it! When George Bush lost not one but both elections did you see him sitting around and complaining? No! He did something about it! I’d also say it’s not so smart to discuss political strategy in a public place like that. You never know who could be carrying a recording device… Full from lunch and with dinner on my mind, we left Bickford’s and set off for the grocery store. As we were en route, my wife exclaimed, “Hey isn’t that DorkyKid?!” (Okay, that’s obviously not his real name but herein he will be referred to as such. Can’t have him stumbling upon this story under the impression we’re still best buddies or that I occasionally still think of him.) I looked over to the Exxon station’s lot and saw an overweight kid, in matching brown t-shirt and shorts, waddling to his car after he apparently bought some gasoline. I couldn’t tell for sure who it was. He could have been DorkyKid. Having nothing to do and never one to pass up an opportunity to covertly stalk, I pulled into the DMV parking to and turned back. So, I pulled into the Exxon but the suspected DorkyKid was already in his car, driving away. Another brief glimpse of him but again, unable to identify him. He pulled out onto Main Street and I followed in hot pursuit. “If that’s him,” I said as I flipped down the visor, “I don’t really want him recognizing me.” My wife followed suit and flipped hers down, too. We followed him, at a safe distance, down Main Street and then down Federal Street. We kept a safe distance not only because of the fear of identification but also because the kid is a horrible driver! Weaving, jerking, slowing down then speeding up, resting his foot on the brakes. We continued to follow him until he pulled into the Cumberland Farms, where he stopped at a gas pump. I continued on and drove past him, trying to watch as he exited the vehicle. Unfortunately, the flow of traffic prevented a slow drive-by. Pulling a donut in the parking lot of Subway, I sped back to Cumberland Farms, pulled into the parking lot and took a space. Waited. Waited. Then I was bit by the bug of curiosity and wondered aloud, “What the hell is he getting gas again for?” As if on cue, suspected DorkyKid exited and waddled over to the pump. This time I got a good look at him. He was not my ex-school chum; he was not DorkyKid. But I’ll be damned if he didn’t look like him! The grocery store was uneventful. Straight in and out, mission accomplished. Before long we were back home and enjoying the company of each other. All in all, we had a pretty decent day. Sometime after six I fired up the grill and threw on the hotdogs and some ears of corn. Grilled corn isn’t that bad, it was the first time I cooked corn on the grill. In closing, you may have noticed I did not mention fireworks. They were scheduled for last weekend but due to in climate weather were postponed until this Saturday. I’ll be sure to post picture from that event. Hope you made the most out of your Independence day. Peace out.

Support the DPW!

Town Common, Greenfield, Massachusetts

DPW GETTING THE SHORT END OF THE STICK WE ARE ALWAYS THE FORGOTTEN ONES!!!

DPW DESERVES A PAY RAISE

According to these protesters, the employees of Greenfield's Department of Public Works have not received any pay increases or adjustments for the last three years. They're list of duties is quiet long and they should be receiving the necessary compensation. Show your support. Call the Mayor 413-772-1580 and demand raises for these people.

A day in the life of...

Haven't posted many stories lately. So, this week I figured I'd share with all of you some of my routines. Today, a timeline of a normal work day for me. Enjoy.

8:15am : I wake up, look at the clock, announce “Five more minutes” and pull the covers over my head. Unless my wife is home, then she kicks me out of bed and gets me going. On those days, from here it skips to the 9:35 entry. 8:35am : Roll out of bed. Wake up my son and bring him to the bathroom. Then get him a cup of juice. On school days, I’ll pour a bowl of cereal and have him eat while I dress then dress him otherwise he’ll eat breakfast at the sitters and change their. 8:40am : Pack car and leave for sitters/school. On the car stereo: Rock102, the Bax & O’Brien Morning Show. I’ll usually leave something my son needs for the day at home. 9:05am : Arrive at sitters/school. 9:10am : Leave for work. 9:35am : Arrive at work five minutes late. I’ll walk the long way around the office to avoid the supervisors and team leaders as well as the copy machine, a known managerial hangout. Usually get caught by a smug co-worker who will announce, “Nice of you to join us!” 9:36am : Settle in and begin work. As some of you may or may not know I work for an insurance company as a call center representative. Mostly I handle disability benefits and assist with claims. No, I don’t work for the duck. I usually average seventy-five to one hundred calls a day. This is how the calls break down:

50% of the calls to complain about our slow claim service. “What do you mean you have to review my claim?!” Maybe 1 out of 10 callers have valid complaints, the other 9 idiots didn’t submit all necessary information, ignored specific policy provisions, sent to the wrong/old address or are just plain impatient.

25% of the calls are to complain about the benefits their employer provides to them like it’s our fault their employer is cheap. “You kidding me?! A pre-tax benefit of $25 a week? *click*”

10% of the calls are from people who think were another insurance company and after being informed we are not the duck, gecko or dog ask for their number then get pissy when I cannot supply the number of a non-affiliated company. People just don’t listen.

10% of calls I receive are misdirected and meant for other departments. A three-option menu is just too difficult for some people to understand.

3% of callers have valid complaint with the company. I feel for these people. Either their claim wasn’t paid on time, paid incorrectly, sent to wrong address or taking too long for review. It doesn’t happen too often but it does happen.

2% of the calls are from people who’ve actually read their policies, understand the provisions and call for claim status, to file a claim or report some change to status.

I dislike my job and hate 98% of the calls I take but the money is good and one of these days an opening in a different department will pop-up. 11:15am to 1:30pm : Calls pick up during this time as co-workers break for lunch. I’m ccosted by the random smells of the lunches my annoying co-workers decided to ingest in their cubicles. Sometimes it’s not bad, a little pizza or pasta aroma is welcome. Other times there is a wafting aroma of garlicky cabbage with a hint of dog excrement. Bon Appétit!

1:35 to 2:05pm : This is my lunch time, a time to eat my steak & cheese hot pockets and drink my Caffeine Free Diet Sam’s Choice Cola. Believe it or not, this stuff is 110% better than the regular cola version. The other big selling point is a 24-pack case is around $3.00 including deposit. The biggest down side is out of every case there are about 3-5 cans that are not carbonated. After the hot pockets are cooked, I head out to my car and drive around Greenfield. First stop is to a McDonald’s to score a couple of little cups of ketchup to dip the hot pockets in. It’s great! That’s the only real destination, other than that I just cruise looking for photo opportunities. On the radio is 1240am, WHMP, and at this time of day the syndicated Thom Hartmann show is on. Sometimes I will hold my nose and make fun of him, “Labor me this, Labor me that. Who’s afraid of the big corporate fat cat?” 2:10pm : Sneak back to my desk after lunch as I was supposed to be there at 2:05. I blame the clocks for always making my five minutes late. 2:11 to 3:54pm : Back to the phones. Around this time the lazy sickly ones have woken up and rolled out of bed and are wondering where their checks are so they can run out and buy their beer, drugs, and hookers badly needed medicine. Clients and employees from the wonderful state of California start calling about now. Call lengths get longer as I need to bring interpreters for Spanish speaking callers. 3:55 to 4:15pm : Afternoon break begins. I head down the stairs and deposit five quarters into the vending machine to purchase a cold, crisp and refreshing Coca-Cola Classic. Even though there is a vending machine in my office, I prefer the one downstairs as the product is fresher. With Coke in hand I head out to my car and crank the Randi Rhodes Show. The 20 minutes just flies by! 4:16 to 5:00pm : Things pick up for a while as co-workers on earlier shifts begin to make their way to freedom. 5:01 to 5:30pm : Tumble weeds roll down the cubicle isles, remaining co-workers stand in there cubicles bobbing their heads around like prairie dogs. Calls are few and far between, like the desert rain. I struggle to keep my eyes open. Once I actually slept from 5:15 to 5:45 waking only to the ringing in my headset. That day was great! 5:45pm : I lean back and stare at the ceiling tiles. “How many holes are in each one?” I wonder. Google isn’t much help. 6:01pm : The supervisor / team leader announces the phones are down. As I prepare for departure ten minutes early, I’m set and like a dog freed from a pen, I sprint for the door. 6:05pm : Pull out of the parking lot and making my way home. The Al Franken Show is on the radio for the commute home. Between 6:15 to 6:25pm : Arrive home.

From this point its time for dinner with my family and then television time. Hang out with my son then have time with my wife. My wife has to get up early most mornings so I put the both to them to bed some time between 9:45 to 10:45pm then it’s my time. I’ll write, check out some websites, stalk people on MySpace and then zone out on YouTube until Letterman comes on. After that, bed. Sleep comes anywhere between 1am and 2am. Wake up and do it again. Just thought you’d like to know.

Larry the Cable Guy - Rare Footage! - YouTube

Apparently Larry the cable guy's real name is Dan Whitney. This video is before he changed his name, look, accent, attitude and material to pander to southern audiences that didn't realize he was just insulting them.

Where the hell is Matt? - YouTube

I don't know what is more annoying: the dancing, the music or the fact money was wasted on such a venture! The guy has a website called Where the Hell is Matt.

Weekend News Wrap-up

[ BBC NEWS ] Body Shop row over animal testing I would have used a bunny costume with whore red lipstick buts that’s just me. I'm not much into the cosmetic scene or care to much for women who have to paint themselves beautful. Take these pictures of Pamela Anderson for example. I think make-up is a gateway drug to procedures like Botox then onward to over-the-top medical procedures. I'd drop a link to Joan Rivers but I'm enjoying a beer and some pizza and I really don't want to pull a Katherine McPhee. The beer is already rented as is. [ MG ] Sex-selection abortions still legal in China They all taste the same with barbeque sauce. On Saturday I was driving through the Big Y parking lot and noticed a young woman with a hooded sweatshirt stating Abortion is Homicide. It was like 85 degrees out but at least she got her message out. No picture proof on this, just take my word for it. [ YAHOO ] Man says he's on heroin to avoid jury duty I've only been called to serve as a juror once and was dismissed because I have a young child. The guy next to me got dismissed too because he looked like Santa Clause. For real, he even wore a red thermal shirt with suspenders. [ BILLINGSGAZETTE ] 'Penny jar' stops bullet fired at NYC home My grandmother has an old maple syrup jug with the top cut off overflowing with pennies. After reading this story, I'll be sitting with my back to the jug. Sure she leaves in a safe area with no major crime to speak of but you never, never know. [ ABCNEWS ] 'Testosterone' Comment Angers Mass. Police Big deal. Big meanie at of the Finance Committee made fun of us. Boo hoo. I got a ticket last weekend from one of a Trooper and I'm in a drunken debate about whether or not I should fight it. We'll see. It might make a good story. [ WFTV ] Pastor Accused Of Raping Member Of Congregation I need to move to Florida, I guess. The "Hey baby, God says you're good in bed and I want to find out" pickup line isn't working much here in Massachusetts. [ GUARDIAN ] Porn star in a wheelchair breaks barriers I guess Amputee and Midget pornography weren't in the Spain genre of films that she broke into. Apparently she has "ataxia", some muscle control disorder. I think this is her picture. Not bad but nothing worth shelling out the dough for. [ CANOE ] Dangerous superbug in Canada Big Bird had the sniffles. Foghorn Leghorn has missed work for the past month, sick at home in bed. I don't know what the hell I got into maybe hogweed, poison ivy, poison oak, poison sumac or even some poison hotdog but I'm in bad shape. My allergy medicine is starting to kick in. I'm cheap so it's the drowsy stuff. The last two articles might be gibberish. [ MIAMI-DADE ] Gender and age don't matter when it comes to nude art Yes, yes it does. It really, really does. Damn, man. It does. [ EWEEK ] 'Blue Pill' Prototype Creates 100% Undetectable Malware Let me just rant about MySpace here for a moment. I’m sick of the advertisers there sneaking in the spy-ware and ad-ware. After repeated attempts to block the installation of Cowabunga I decided to remove the program but leave the directory with all rights revoked for all users.

Naked Britney Spears!

Some of my favorite trash blogs have reported that Britney posed naked for the August cover of Harper's Bazaar. If your like me and are unfamiliar with the magazine, we can only assume the magazine is dedicated to all things Odd and Bazaar. I mean, why else put this disgusting mess on their cover? Harnessing the power of the Internets, you don't have to wait until July 25th to pick up your copy or, in my case, for some poor fool leave their copy unattented on a bus seat. For the lazy people: Google her or visit this link. Note: I prefer the Google results, that's the kind of photoshop I can agree with!

Internet Down

VIDEO: When it goes down, this is exactly what happens at my house.