CNN Anchor Flubs Audio During Bush Katrina Speech - YouTube

I still don't understand women chatting it up in the bathroom. You go in, do your business, get out. This chick is in there talking about soulmates as she's pushing one out and badmouthing her sister-in-law. I'd have loved to hear more of what she was saying but it was hard to hear over that guy verbally defecating on camera. UPDATE: Kyra was on Letterman tonight doing the Top Ten Kyra Phillips Excuses. I've taken the liberty of "liveblogging" it for you. Enjoy, vultures!

10. "Still haven't mastered complicated On/Off switch" 9. "Larry King told me he does this all the time" 8. "How was I supposed to know we had a reporter embedded in the bathroom?" 7. "I honestly never knew this sort of thing was frowned upon" 6. "Couldn't resist chance to win $10,000 on 'America's Funniest Home Videos' " 5. "I was set up by those bastards at Fox News" 4. "Oh like you've never gone to the bathroom and had it broadcast on national television" 3. "I just wanted that hunky Lou Dobbs to notice me" 2. "Okay, so I was drunk and couldn't think straight" 1. "You have to admit, it made the speech a lot more interesting"

The Family Man: My Son's Tea Pot

A little while ago, we bought my son a tea set from Wal-Mart. That’s right, a tea set for a three year old boy – got a problem with that? Him and his mother play tea party and he loves it, it's wholesome quality time they have together. They used to play it with a mismatched set of plastic cups and plastic food. He's wanted a real one for a while but it's hard to find one that isn't solely oriented towards girls because, lets face it, it's usually a girl toy. Wal-mart had a white porcelain set (teapot, sugar bowl, creamer, and four plates with matching saucers) with a bear in a sweater on it, pretty much gender neutral and on the cheap. My son liked it, so we bought it. On the way home, he talked non-stop about the damned thing! Can I have my tea set? Can I have my tea set, please? Can I have my tea set, now? Aargh!! At one point we had to tell him to stop talking about it or it would be taken away. It seemed to work and he was finally quiet… for a while. Until a few minutes later when he announced, “Dad, I’m not thinking about the tea set anymore.” “Good and keep not thinking about it until we get home.” Five minutes from home he again announced, “I’m still not thinking about my tea set.” On Tuesday (08/29/06) of this week he asked me to fill his little sugar bowl. I didn't think anything of it and it didn't even strike me as odd that he'd need sugar for his "tea", which was only apple juice, so I filled the tiny bowl with sugar - it held as much as two soda bottle caps. Next thing I know, he's wide eyed and dipping his finger in the bowl, scooping out the sugar and eating it straight up! Of course, as if on queue, my wife came out of the office and her jaw drops while she watches him swirl his tongue in the little hole, desperately seeking any of the remaining sweetness. She then scolds me, stating when he asks her for it to be filled she only pretends to fill it! Well, lah-dee-dah! And to top it off, she adds, “Michael! He had a chocolate frosted, chocolate donut on the way home! He’s going to be wired!” Man, paint SUCKER on my forehead! For the next two hours the kid was indeed wired and bouncing off the walls! The best part was when he came up stairs while my wife and I were talking and watching TV in our bedroom. At some point he started hallucinating pretending we had a monkey family in the bedroom with us. The monkey parents had left the monkey baby and monkey baby sister alone in our room and my son was caring for them. "This is the monkey baby,” he said with his hands cupped, pretending to be holding it. He put that one down then cupped his hands again. "And this is the monkey baby sister." I leaned over and pretended to pet them. Apparently invisable baby monkeys are about the same size as a baseball. Who knew? That went on for a bit. Monkey baby this, monkey baby that. Suddenly he jumped up and ran around the room screaming, "The monkey baby sister grabbed a hold of my butt cheeks! Ahhhhh!" We just lost it. His facial expression and the way he was running around was just too funny. Soon he crashed from his sugar high and, after a thorough tooth brushing, was put to bed for the night.

Merry Katrina Eve

It's been a year since that Hurricane Katrina touched down and in a couple of days it will be the anniversary of it's sucessful 2-point conversion - breached levies. I'm a fan of most natural disasters because, lets face it, there are too many people on this rock and aren't we all a little better off now that there are less people to stand in front of us in line? The mainstream media and the blogosphere, whatever the hell that is, is up in arms over yet another poorly chosen metaphor used by that Ray Nagin. When will Nagin's fifteen be up? In response to questions about debris still littering his city's streets during a “60 minutes” interview, Nagin replied, “You guys in New York can’t get a hole in the ground fixed, and it’s five years later. So let’s be fair.” Yeah, lets be fair... For someone who doesn't mean to offend anyone with his comments, he sure does a good job at it! In observance of the one-year anniversary, Mayor Ray Nagin would like to share his delicious recipe for Chocolate. We join his press conference all ready in progress. How do you make chocolate? You take dark chocolate, [ be health smart, people, use reduced fat! ] you mix it with white [ 2% ] milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about!

Wish you were there... nahh, not really.

When you get this, I will be gone but don't look for me, you won't find me. I'll be on a MUCH needed vacation from now until next Tuesday. I need figure my shit out and get the hell away from the office. It'll be a good time to reconnect with the wife. Next Monday will be our second wedding anniversary. Two years of marriage down, only seventy-eight to go! (Unfortunately, DeathClock only gives me 47 more years to live, 04/07/2053 - don't tell the wife.) We'll be at a beach for a couple of days then spending the rest of the time home, doing family things. Computer usage will be at a minimum and as for phone calls.. don't expect anyone to pickup. Lots of love.

Motherf***ing nature can bite my motherf***ing ass!

Earlier in the day, we should have known an ambulance stopping out in front of our house asking for directions should have been the ominous sign of bad things to come! A quick and fierce thunderstorm rolled into the village tonight, some time after five. My wife and son were outside, cleaning out her car when the storm started. It started with a strong wind, leaves and small branches flew threw the air. They quickly ran inside, drenched. Some time later, my wife called out to me, "Why is that car parked out in front of our house?" I walked out the front porch and looked at them. A camper, being pulled by a black pick-up truck, had stopped out in front of our back yard. I couldn't get a good look of why they had stopped, so I came back inside and looked out the living room window to see if I could get a better view. A better view indeed! The top of a tree had snapped and fallen on my son's play structure! As may be able to see from the picture, it's huge - at least a couple hundred pounds. For assistance with determining the size, the play structure is somewhere near eight feet tall at the peak of the canopy and the treetop, I estimate, is over ten feet tall and just about a foot thick at the base. Luckily, there wasn't much damage. Here's a run down:

• The screws for the beams of the canopy snapped but the wood is still in good shape.
• The structure was moved about six inches; the anchors were ripped up but no physical damage to the structure itself.
• The swingset bar, installed in June, was just fine. Because the structure moved, the A-frame support moved a little but nothing broke.
• Subsequent damage was tolled on my yard as a result of dragging the treetop off the structure and back to the base of the tree it fell from. I also cut up my arms a little moving that damned thing.
• My grill cover was also ripped to shit. Somehow a limb tore the cover off the grill and stabbed it into the ground. Luckily the grill shows no sign of damage. Why was it over there you ask? Well, I moved it to the edge of my property to avoid the smoke from going into my home and my neighbors homes. I guess one way to look at it is that I now have plenty of firewood for winter grilling.

All in all, the thing I'm most pissed about is that I had to get wet and dirty when I moved the tree. I HATE getting wet, especially from cold rain!

Now I need to find my chainsaw... I think I misplaced it after the last zombie attack.

This week in God

Part thirty of the fifty-two forty-nine part series of my continued coverage of the Faith Baptist Church in Greenfield. They update their sign weekly, usually by Thursday. Enjoy! Silver Street, Greenfield, Ma. Faith Baptist Church

GOOD WORKS ARE THE FRUIT NOT THE ROOT OF SALVATION!

Cross post from This week in God :: Read / Post Comments.

And now a word from our sponsors

Just a quick post. New This Week in God will be posted tomorrow.

• I've removed the Adult Friend Finder crap. Google can stay. More template changes underway this weekend.

• For those of you visiting from the keywords "Highland Pond", "Greenfield" and "gay" you're totally off. You should replace "Highland Pond" with "Poet Seat Tower". That's the gay crusing area. Look it up. All you need to do is walk out into the woods, wait a moment and suddenly gays will scurry out from behind trees offering their services. According to the news accounts and police logs anyway.

• The Al Franklin Show totally robbed me today. I was planning on coming home and posting the line "I have friends who are into beastiality, I've worked with people who are into beastiality, I have utmost respect for them." Bastards! I need to find another fool making a ridiculous comment now. I mean, come on! Comparing homosexuality to beastiality?! That's satirical gold!

• PsychoGirl story is done and is being proofed. It's going to be posted in parts because it's just too damned long otherwise.

• I took a 3hr on-line course for Advance HTML design on Thursday - on my company's tab. Three damned hours and the only thing I learned was the meta tag pragma. "Advanced" training is apparently using tables, frames and CSS. It's wasn't helpful at all but I can list it as an accomplishment, specialized training, and I did it on company time on the company's dime. I don't need more training... I think I need LSD or a mutant to rub my temples while chanting "Open your mind. Open your mind!"

The results are in...

We're having a girl! At least we're pretty sure, lack of proof is proof in itself. My wife has had a feeling she was going to have a girl. Another Life lession learned: the wife is always right (even if she's wrong). The number one comments I've received is that she's probably going to be "such a daddy's girl" and "she's going to have you totally wrapped around her finger." Janurary 7th is going to be here before we know it and there is so much to do: birth refresher class, sibling class for our son, setting up the nursery and picking out the baby's name. Unfortunately, my boy names I had picked out won't be able to used. The list included many gems, such as: George Michael, Annyong, Bryce, Maverick, Alton, Carl, Soda, Glenn, Peter, Goku, Stewie, Barry, Jason, Tobias, Seven, Foster, Spike, Naruto, Rocky, Apollo, Blue #2, and Prince Michael Henry (lost that battle with the first one, too). Now, I need to come up with a good girls name... like Moxy Crimefighter.

Would you be my hero?

Back in May, Mister Orange posted his “Ultimate” question: How many [combat trained] 5 year-olds could you take out at once? There were stipulations and conditions to the brawl, of course. If you haven’t yet, read over and maybe throw up your own response. It’s pretty interesting to think about… if you’re into fighting children that is. I figured I could take out about fifty of the little buggers. Another commenter thought they were tougher and bragged they could take around one hundred! As much as I’d love to debate further on how many five year-olds could be taken out, I want to toss out my own question. Can I borrow twenty dollars? Question: If you could have any special ability or powers, what would they be? With the bonus question: How would you use them? Focus points:

• Yes, I’m asking because of that “Heroes” show.
• The ability or power does not necessarily have to be limited to comic or cartoon characters. But if that’s your train of thought, there are no limits on the universe or brand, any and all are welcome. Also, fear not the label of “Joey Gladstone.” Adult cartoon watchers are not all Ninja Turtle pajama wearing, woodchuck puppet sodomizing weirdoes… except on the weekends. After a few beers.
• You can always opt out and not want powers. But give me a big why not.

My answer:

• I’d want to have a symbiotic costume like Venom but it’d have to be less mind controlling and more like Spawn’s living armor.
• The ability to use the ever-popular anime Ki blasts, specifically like those in the Dragon Ball Trilogy.
• The ability to use the Sharingan from the series Naruto. I know, I know, the Byakugan are said to be more powerful but they’re a dull gray and the users face gets all veiny. Yuck.
• I wouldn’t want to be indestructible or able to fly. Those aren't really appealing. Immortality, too, is out of the mix.

Now, what say you?

Iron man Folgore, Invincible Folgore, Brave and strong Folgore, He always wins the day.

Maddox to be on WAQY/Rock102 Tomorrow!

The Brokeback Morons, Bax & O'Brien will interview Maddox tomorrow sometime between 5:30am to 10:00am. I didn't hear the specific time he'll be on but it should be interesting. Especially since it seems no one there has read the book. Tune in to 102.1 FM and check it out or wait for it's eventual inclusion to their archive.

More to come

Last week's and this week's This week in God has been posted. Enjoy. I discovered last week that users of YouTube have posted the original Japanese language versions of Naruto with English subs. I started with episode 60 which is a few episodes ahead of what they're showing on Toonami and have made it to 101. Thats upwards of around 15 hours or so of vegging. I have some new stuff I've been working on, it'll be posted soon.

This week in God

Part twenty-nine of the fifty-two forty-nine part series of my continued coverage of the Faith Baptist Church in Greenfield. They update their sign weekly, usually by Thursday. Enjoy! Silver Street, Greenfield, Ma. Faith Baptist Church

GOD COMFORTS THE DISTURBED AND DISTURBS THE COMFORTABLE!

Cross post from This week in God :: Read / Post Comments.

This week in God

Part twenty-eight of the fifty-two forty-nine part series of my continued coverage of the Faith Baptist Church in Greenfield. They update their sign weekly, usually by Thursday. Enjoy! Silver Street, Greenfield, Ma. Faith Baptist Church

THE BEST VITAMIN FOR A CHRISTIAN B-1

No exclamation point?! Wow!

Cross post from This week in God :: Read / Post Comments.

I suppose if I liked it, it wouldn't be work and they wouldn't pay me

This is Mike. Have I told you how much I hate love my job today? Well, I do. I really, really do! And just a moment while I setup this post. Thank you. Well, lets see. Here are some quotes from a few calls I received today, after which I spent the remaining time of the work day surfing the company's intranet for a different position I could tranfer to and using Mapquest to get directions from my house in Massachusetts to the other office in Connecicut. I'd be willing to drive the hour or so for a different position. Like my real calls, I'm having trouble working in both the Please and the Thank you into this spoofy opening. I didn't ask for you name, that's another point against me. Maybe I can wrap it up within department guidelines. Anyway, on with the calls... Me: "This is Mike. How can I help you?" Caller: "Mark? Did you say your name was Mark?"

No, damn it! MIKE! Ever since I was a child I was called names I didn't want to be. I don't care for Mikey, Mitch, or Michael. I prefer Mike, Henry or not to be named at all actually. Sometimes my wife calls me Mikey Eddie Weirdo, I suppose that's fine too. Also, why do you need to know my name? I'm a lowly peon with no decision making powers at all, I just read off the monitor what the man tells me to read. Even with my name, it will do you no good. Mentioning my name during a call will get you little more than a chuckle.

Me: "May I have your..." social security #, account #, brokerage information, etc. Caller: "I knew you were going to ask me for that! I should of had it ready." (Annoying chuckle to follow.)

Yo, psychic asshole, bet you can't guess what I'm saying about you while I put you on MUTE!

Me: Providing information on benefits. Caller: "Say what now?"

I've noticed this is a Georgian-thing. Years ago when I worked in dental insurance I answered calls from Georgia and apparently you people don't brush your teeth. I have no actual data on this but I'm fairly sure the per capita ratio for dentures is pretty high there.

Me: "I'm sorry, that office is currently closed. If you like I can request a callback or if you can call back before 5pm you can speak with them directly." Caller: "It's not 5pm here."

Yeah, it's not 5pm in California or where you're calling from but it's after 5pm here and we're what matters. There is a reason they include those three letters after the time, we have TIME ZONES. Maybe you've heard of Eastern Standard Time?

Me: "Thank you. And, may I have you social security number?" Caller: They've responded in three ways...

1. The final four. "1234," ackward pause. I wait until they add, "That's my last four." I didn't ask for the last four. I don't give a shit if you think someones tapping your phone, waiting for the very moment your calling your insurance company to steal your social security number.
2. The rapid fire response. "Fou-ifty-Ni-Seventy. One." Of course I'll have to ask for it again and they'll respond put off like I should have been able to follow along.
3. The bad dancer. They have no rhythm. Everyone in the business knows there is a rhythm to giving social security and phone numbers. They'll give their social as "Forty-eight. Two thiry-one. Sixteen. One. Six." When the rhythm should be "Da Da Da. Do Do. De De Da Do."
4. The asshat. "You mean my soch (so-shh)?" Stop calling it that! If you want to make up your own words like a baby, I'll treat you like one and shake you.

Me: "Your claim is pending the receipt of the medical information. Once received the review for benefits can begin." Caller: Tearful but angry. "Whenever I try to use these benefits I'm given the god damned run around. You people are sure quick to that the money out of my hard earned check every week!"

Why yes, yes we are and thanks for your call. And not only do I personally collect the money weekly from your check but I then go and blow it on the McDonald's Dollar Menu. I've also noticed your requested deductions will actually leave you owing in at the end of the year. I've taken the liberty of submitting a corrected W4. You're welcome.

Was there anything else I can help you with? Ok, you have a good day then.

High Tension - REVIEW

Director: Alexandre Aja Writer: Alexandre Aja & Grégory Levasseur Stars: Cecile de France, Maïwenn Le Besco, Philippe Nahon Running Time: 91 minutes Before you begin: Contains minor spoilers, but I won't ruin the plot twist... until you get to the comments. And also let me just say this film was not filmed in English and the jacket said nothing about this being dubbed. It did say it included the "Original French Language Director's Cut Version" but I figured it was just one of those ridiculous extras DVDs nowadays are known for. I was wrong. I sat for a good five minutes fuming, "What the hell! Why aren't the lips in sync?!" Nothing pisses me off more when watching television or movies than lip-syncing errors. And it wasn't until I'd run through all the possible causes for the sync error and the first English subtitle came up that I finally figured out what was going on. I can be slow sometimes. So, it's dubbed in French-accented English and every once in a while subtitles pop-up as the characters will speak French for, guessing, dramatic effect. It really doesn't take long to forget about this and just enjoy the film. Just wanted to mention this because some of my buddies won't even look at a film if there is even a chance of subtitles. You've been warned. Why should you watch this movie?

• Nudity: Shower scene with bare breasts. Unfortunately it's not Cecile de France.
• Sex: No actual intercourse but there is oral sex and Cecile de France masturbates.
• Gore: Blood, blood and more blood. There is a not-so-fake decapitation, dismemberment with awesome throat slitting scene and a gas station attendant takes an axe to the chest. The special effects are well done.
• Horror: I actually jumped at a few scenes and I never jump. This was horror done right.
• Offensive language: I don’t really remember any.
• Plot: Cookie cutter but they're double chocolate chunk with a twist of something special that doesn't hit you until the end.

Story summary: The film begins with the blonde on a hospital bed, all cut up and in stitches. The film then cuts to her running through the woods, injured and scared. Finally she reaches a road and stops in the middle, causing an oncoming car to swerve and slam on the breaks. It then cuts to her waking up from a dream in the backseat of a different car, uninjured but shaken by her dream. Right then and there I thought I had figured it out, obviously she was a psychic or some crap. But I was wrong. As she asks for a cigarette from her friend, you'll really notice the dubbing work but bear with it. These two girls are Marie (Cecile de France, the blonde) and Alexia (Maïwenn Le Besco, the brunette). They're two best friends and classmates who have come to France to visit Alexia's parents' secluded farmhouse, hoping to study for college exams. You'll never hear about the exams again, so its just fluff. While they're driving, the movie cuts to another area of road and a mysterious old beat-up Citroen truck parks along side a cornfield. Inside the truck the driver is getting a little oral sex. Passionate lovers? Not hardly. As the driver finishes, he tosses a decapitated woman’s head out the window. This is the first scene in the movie that doesn't quiet flow after seeing the ending. I'm not sure if this was still part of Marie's dream or something that really happened. Eventually night falls and the duo arrives at Alexia's families’ farmhouse. Here we meet Alexia's father and little brother - her mother is already asleep by the time they arrive. After a brief tour of the home, Marie is left to settle into her room. Boredom sets in and she decides to go out to have a smoke. Here we're shown Alexia's bare breasts while she's showering, we also notice Marie checking her out. With the cigarette done, she returns inside and ascends to her room. It's a little creepy with the wind, the creaking and what not so she puts her headphones on and zones out. As this is a foreign film, we're graced by the sight of the beautiful Cecile de France masturbating. American actresses are such prudes. The only masturbation scene that comes to mind with an American actress is the scene in Slackers with Laura Prepon and that wasn't anything special. Actually, pretty lame in fact. The motors are running and we're off. As Marie climaxes, that old beat-up Citroen truck we saw earlier pulls up. A jumpsuit clad man exits and bangs on the door. The stranger continues to bang until the father is roused from his slumber and answers the door. Marie peers out through the top story window and watches as the stranger brandishes his knife at the father. Let the killing begin! Everyone dies except for Marie, who hides, and Alexia, who's captured and bound in chains. I won't really get into how they die; it's worth watching yourself. The only thing I didn't like was that they used such a young boy and I hate thinking about violence towards children but at least they didn't show any actual harm coming to him. As all the killing is going on, Marie is searching throughout the house for a phone only to find the main line has been cut. Sure, it's been done but it worked. The stranger loads up Alexia in his truck then re-enters the house for one more sweep. Marie sneaks into the truck and unsuccessful in her attempt to free her friend is also trapped in the truck as the stranger heads off to parts unknown. Who knows how long they've been driving but the truck soon needs a fill up. At the gas station there is another failed attempt at freeing her friend and the gas station attendant is killed. Leave no witnesses and one less self-serve attendant can't hurt anyone. Amazingly Marie is again able to evade detection and capture but the truck drives off before she can get back out there. Stealing the dead clerk's car, a chase ensues. The car chase is actually the second scene that doesn't quiet add up after seeing the ending which we're so close to right now. The chase is predictable as Marie first thinks she's in the clear and unnoticed but in the blink of an eye, she's the hunted and run off the road in a fiery car wreck. As you've heard, there is a twist to the ending. The twist makes it worth re-watching to see if there were any clues that might give it away. Bottom line: Best. Horror. Flick. (of 2005)

Go away Mickey!

At work today (07/31/06), I received a frantic call from my wife. Apparently a rat, by her description, ran out in front of her and she was now upstairs, barricaded in our bedroom with our son. God damn it! She hates rodents. She was calling me not only tell me about the rodent and to chew me out about not dealing with the problem sooner but to also find out what to do about dinner... which she left downstairs, cooking in the stove and refused to tend to because of fear that the rat may do rat-type things to her! Oh boy! I was annoyed, so I said, "No one wanted to eat your damn meatloaf anyway!" She said something to the effect of, oh I don't know, go to hell or something to that effect and hung up on me. (Honestly, there would have been no other way to get her off the phone at that point.) Eventually, she calmed down and called back. She told me she's come back down stairs, turned the oven down and everything should be fine until I got home. Hooray, the meatloaf was safe! When work was over, I grabbed the left over angel food cake someone brought in for the employee of the month, who was not me, celebration on Friday of last week. I'm not bitter in any way that I wasn't the employee of the month. Nope, not bitter. Just pointing out the fact that I was not the employee of the month. Oh well, free rat bait... it was at work, too. Oh yeah, burn! Anyway, I then drove over to the Home Depot to pick up a multi-pack of traps but of course, they were out of mouse traps! How wonderfully terrific! I thought I had one at home, so I left the store and reluctantly drove home to face the ol' ball 'n chain. (She's my best friend, but seriously... sometimes...) Fifteen minutes later, I was home. Upon entering the door, I was met by a broom-wielding wife who was descending the stairs. I went to the kitchen and immediately searched for hints of a rodent. Nothing really stood out and I was hungry, so we ate. Let me say again... Hooray, the meatloaf was safe! After I cleared my plate I began working on finding the mouse or "rat". I first started with sweeping under the sink and my wife, worried the mouse was going to scurry out, put her feet up on chair across from her. "Hey bud," I called to my son, who was also eating dinner. "Hey! Look at the mouse by Mom's feet!" She squeeled. The simple joys of my life! I don't know why she still falls for my crap after six years of being together. So, anyway, I just got done moving the washing machine, microwave stand and the stove in search of droppings or entry points. Apparently, when we had our last run in with rodents, I left a set trap behind the stove that, apparently, caught a rodent some time ago. All that was left was a pile of fur and a skeleton. I offered to show my wife but she declined for some reason. Traps have been baited and set. Now we play the waiting game... UPDATE 08/01/06: On this public record, it is noted that at 12:14am on 08/01/06 one gray mouse, not a big black rat, has meet it's demise. Rest in peace, friend. Crime scene photographers have just left. Scene has been cleared and trap reset. Could there be another…? UPDATE 08/06/06: I've found a couple of entry points. One was of my own creation - I drilled two holes to run wire for the stove and ended up using the smaller of the two. I plugged the unused hole with rat poision... they ate it out but I'm not sure when. Like I've said before I did find a mousey skeleton back there, so it could have been a while ago. The other hole has been years in the making. Under the radiator in the dining room there is a spot that has rotten out. For the time being, until this payday comes around, I've dropped a few nuggets of poision down the hole and stuffed it with newspaper. Before I stuffed the hole with the newspaper, one of the creatures returned a partially eaten nugget. This rot hole is the primary entry point for a new species also. First it was field mice who invaded then a mole lost it's way and now... a chipmunk! I'll keep you posted. I think I should buy a snake...

In the absense of a strong plot, use nudity.

Sorry for the lack of updates. Here's what I've been up to. Basically, if you were my boss and I told you I didn't come into work for three days because I've been vegging out on TV, you'd fire my ass. But since you're not, suck it.

Tuesday: Installed StarCraft and the expansion. Got sick of Age of Empire's limit on the number units I could have. Where's the fun with that when you're deathmatching?! So, I needed a little Zerg fix.

I've been experiencing a little blog envy - Atomic Tumor and Wuzzadem are great. They've got the feel I'd like this site to have. Damn you people, with your cool sites! Then there are sites like Cocktails with Kevin and The Search for A Good Story who know how to use clipart to aid in their story telling.

Wednesday: I posted mock letters. Poor response. The air conditioner was dropped at the store and made weird noises. I need to return it. As I was once a shipping / receiving clerk I know how to pack a box. This box wasn't packed like it was to be shipped. Fucking Walmart.

I've realized, I don't care for drinking alcohol... unless someone else pays for it. Whenever I buy a six pack it sits in my refridgerator. I don't like to drink in front of my son and I'm not one for drinking alone. Hell, I still have half of that 40 of Miller High Life. Thursday: I spaced out on my new favorite show It's Always Sunny in Philidelphia. That's a great show. New episodes on FX at 10pm, encore of an older episode at 10:30. Encore of both episodes at 11 & 11:30pm. Nice. Friday: My nieces, aged 4 and 2, slept over. My brother and his wife went to Foxwood's casino. All the kids slept down stairs on the pull out couch. I have no idea what time they finally fell asleep but I'm sure it was close to midnight. Life Lesson learned: Use solid color or non-character bed linens for future sleep overs to avoid arguments over who wants the Mini Mouse, Wiggles, Toy Story or Thomas the Tank Engine bed sets. Saturday: Nieces were picked up some time between 6:30 to 7:30pm. After a quick trip to the laundromat to dry our bed linens, I settled down to watch Toonami, 48hrs Mysteries, then Adult Swim. Fooly Cooly marathon + Best two episodes of Cowboy Bebop = crawling into bed at 3am.

I'll update this blog some time later today after I finish HGenCo's update (and get tired of playing StarCraft). I have over 200 pictures that need to be sorted and put into galleries. HGenCo's layout is pretty bland at the moment as it was designed for dial-up but new design is under works using CSS and feeds. That'll be sweet. The definitive source of all things Henry. Until later. ---- Sorry but I'm moving the stories about me off this blog to a different site. As I may have said, this is a place where I post my first drafts and many are riddled with typos.

It's better to beg forgiveness than to seek permission, fin.

Dear Western Massachusetts Electric Company,

Tonight, from Walmart, we bought a 5,200 BTU air conditioner. Sure, it says it's one of the most energy efficient models but that's a lie, right? You know this thing will be sucking down the happy juice from the happy holes and you'll be laughing all the way to the bank. You're fucking welcome, sugar tits! Always looking to take my money... lousey bunch of...

Advising you not to cash my check until after X-mas, Michael E. Henry Mel C. Gibson

It's better to beg forgiveness than to seek permission, cont.

Dear Al Norman, Tonight, from Walmart, we bought a 5,200 BTU air conditioner. As a family of three, soon to be four, we must do our best to do what we can saving money and Walmart is our best choice! Not only does Walmart offer low prices but they also provide a range of selection that local stores don't have the buying power to carry. Do you think I could have bought this $85 air conditioner from a Mom & Pop store for $85? Nope, never! It would have been at least a $100. They also wear those handsome blue vests and greet you with such a warm hello upon entering the store. I'm sorry, Al. Best wishes, Michael E. Henry P.S. You're also kind of weird.

It's better to beg forgiveness than to seek permission

Dear Al Gore, Tonight, we bought an air conditioner. It's small, only 5,200 BTU. I'm sorry, Al! We needed it! Don't worry, it is only for our bedroom and will only be run at night. I promise I'll plant a tree. ...or watch someone do it. ...on video. Your #1 fan, Michael E. Henry