Sunday, August 06, 2006

Go away Mickey!

At work today (07/31/06), I received a frantic call from my wife. Apparently a rat, by her description, ran out in front of her and she was now upstairs, barricaded in our bedroom with our son. God damn it! She hates rodents. She was calling me not only tell me about the rodent and to chew me out about not dealing with the problem sooner but to also find out what to do about dinner... which she left downstairs, cooking in the stove and refused to tend to because of fear that the rat may do rat-type things to her! Oh boy! I was annoyed, so I said, "No one wanted to eat your damn meatloaf anyway!" She said something to the effect of, oh I don't know, go to hell or something to that effect and hung up on me. (Honestly, there would have been no other way to get her off the phone at that point.) Eventually, she calmed down and called back. She told me she's come back down stairs, turned the oven down and everything should be fine until I got home. Hooray, the meatloaf was safe! When work was over, I grabbed the left over angel food cake someone brought in for the employee of the month, who was not me, celebration on Friday of last week. I'm not bitter in any way that I wasn't the employee of the month. Nope, not bitter. Just pointing out the fact that I was not the employee of the month. Oh well, free rat bait... it was at work, too. Oh yeah, burn! Anyway, I then drove over to the Home Depot to pick up a multi-pack of traps but of course, they were out of mouse traps! How wonderfully terrific! I thought I had one at home, so I left the store and reluctantly drove home to face the ol' ball 'n chain. (She's my best friend, but seriously... sometimes...) Fifteen minutes later, I was home. Upon entering the door, I was met by a broom-wielding wife who was descending the stairs. I went to the kitchen and immediately searched for hints of a rodent. Nothing really stood out and I was hungry, so we ate. Let me say again... Hooray, the meatloaf was safe! After I cleared my plate I began working on finding the mouse or "rat". I first started with sweeping under the sink and my wife, worried the mouse was going to scurry out, put her feet up on chair across from her. "Hey bud," I called to my son, who was also eating dinner. "Hey! Look at the mouse by Mom's feet!" She squeeled. The simple joys of my life! I don't know why she still falls for my crap after six years of being together. So, anyway, I just got done moving the washing machine, microwave stand and the stove in search of droppings or entry points. Apparently, when we had our last run in with rodents, I left a set trap behind the stove that, apparently, caught a rodent some time ago. All that was left was a pile of fur and a skeleton. I offered to show my wife but she declined for some reason. Traps have been baited and set. Now we play the waiting game... UPDATE 08/01/06: On this public record, it is noted that at 12:14am on 08/01/06 one gray mouse, not a big black rat, has meet it's demise. Rest in peace, friend. Crime scene photographers have just left. Scene has been cleared and trap reset. Could there be another…? UPDATE 08/06/06: I've found a couple of entry points. One was of my own creation - I drilled two holes to run wire for the stove and ended up using the smaller of the two. I plugged the unused hole with rat poision... they ate it out but I'm not sure when. Like I've said before I did find a mousey skeleton back there, so it could have been a while ago. The other hole has been years in the making. Under the radiator in the dining room there is a spot that has rotten out. For the time being, until this payday comes around, I've dropped a few nuggets of poision down the hole and stuffed it with newspaper. Before I stuffed the hole with the newspaper, one of the creatures returned a partially eaten nugget. This rot hole is the primary entry point for a new species also. First it was field mice who invaded then a mole lost it's way and now... a chipmunk! I'll keep you posted. I think I should buy a snake...

3 comments:

kevin black said...

My wife would stand face to face with a snake all day long, but the moment a spider or some other creepy crawly makes its way into our home, she goes berzerk. I've never understood this phobia of something one could so easily step on.

As a total non-sequitor, ever since you've put the ads on your site, I've had to look at some of the God awfullest looking women in my area. Oh well, it encourages monogamy I suppose.

M. E. H. said...

Mission accomplished. As Adam Sandler was being introduced on tonight’s repeat of Letterman, the trap snapped. I had to check it and the twitching body of the mouse confirmed it. Either there is another mouse or my wife’s fear increased the size of the rodent ten fold.

I have mixed feelings about setting traps to kill another living being. I don’t know. There is just a lack of honor and respect.

M. E. H. said...

I know! I selected to use actual member pictures... man, who knew there were still leper colonies!

(Actually I just googled it, and there are still leper colonies. Go figure.)