The Family Man: My Son's Tea Pot

A little while ago, we bought my son a tea set from Wal-Mart. That’s right, a tea set for a three year old boy – got a problem with that? Him and his mother play tea party and he loves it, it's wholesome quality time they have together. They used to play it with a mismatched set of plastic cups and plastic food. He's wanted a real one for a while but it's hard to find one that isn't solely oriented towards girls because, lets face it, it's usually a girl toy. Wal-mart had a white porcelain set (teapot, sugar bowl, creamer, and four plates with matching saucers) with a bear in a sweater on it, pretty much gender neutral and on the cheap. My son liked it, so we bought it. On the way home, he talked non-stop about the damned thing! Can I have my tea set? Can I have my tea set, please? Can I have my tea set, now? Aargh!! At one point we had to tell him to stop talking about it or it would be taken away. It seemed to work and he was finally quiet… for a while. Until a few minutes later when he announced, “Dad, I’m not thinking about the tea set anymore.” “Good and keep not thinking about it until we get home.” Five minutes from home he again announced, “I’m still not thinking about my tea set.” On Tuesday (08/29/06) of this week he asked me to fill his little sugar bowl. I didn't think anything of it and it didn't even strike me as odd that he'd need sugar for his "tea", which was only apple juice, so I filled the tiny bowl with sugar - it held as much as two soda bottle caps. Next thing I know, he's wide eyed and dipping his finger in the bowl, scooping out the sugar and eating it straight up! Of course, as if on queue, my wife came out of the office and her jaw drops while she watches him swirl his tongue in the little hole, desperately seeking any of the remaining sweetness. She then scolds me, stating when he asks her for it to be filled she only pretends to fill it! Well, lah-dee-dah! And to top it off, she adds, “Michael! He had a chocolate frosted, chocolate donut on the way home! He’s going to be wired!” Man, paint SUCKER on my forehead! For the next two hours the kid was indeed wired and bouncing off the walls! The best part was when he came up stairs while my wife and I were talking and watching TV in our bedroom. At some point he started hallucinating pretending we had a monkey family in the bedroom with us. The monkey parents had left the monkey baby and monkey baby sister alone in our room and my son was caring for them. "This is the monkey baby,” he said with his hands cupped, pretending to be holding it. He put that one down then cupped his hands again. "And this is the monkey baby sister." I leaned over and pretended to pet them. Apparently invisable baby monkeys are about the same size as a baseball. Who knew? That went on for a bit. Monkey baby this, monkey baby that. Suddenly he jumped up and ran around the room screaming, "The monkey baby sister grabbed a hold of my butt cheeks! Ahhhhh!" We just lost it. His facial expression and the way he was running around was just too funny. Soon he crashed from his sugar high and, after a thorough tooth brushing, was put to bed for the night.