Show me a man with a tattoo, I'll show you a man with an interesting past

I’m officially a bad boy. Yup, a rebel without a cause. While I’m over here ripping the left arm sleeves off all my shirts, let me tell you about yesterday and how I got my tattoo. I’ve toyed around with the idea of a tattoo for years. It was always of the same design, the Venom spider logo, that I wanted but the location changed. Sometimes I’d think about having it on my back, chest or an arm. My left arm finally won out. One of my brothers and a sister has recently gotten inked. My sister has the words Daddy’ girl with a butterfly on her right shoulder. My brother, from what I’ve been told, has a design on each leg with his daughter’s names and a tribal band on one of his arms. He lives in Georgia for the moment and I he hasn't sent me any pictures of them yet. The IRS was particularly kind this year with my family’s tax return so I had a little extra cash to play with. A couple of Thursdays ago I tried to do a walk-in at Pygmalion's Tattoo in Greenfield but they are closed on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Couldn't do it Friday as I was busy assisting my wife put on a dinner party. On Saturday, as I printed out the design I wanted, my wife called Pygmalion’s but they told her they were booked until early to mid May. Way too long to wait, I would probably have lost my nerve if I had to wait that long. At the recommendation of my sister, I called Art for Life in Brattleboro, Vermont. They were really busy too but I was able to make an appointment for April first. Who gets a tattoo on April Fools day? This fool, thats who! My sister came with me, she wanted to show they guy how her tattoo healed and I wanted someone to snap a picture or two while I was in the hot seat. I could have taken the wife but in case I did anything embarrassing – chicken out, whimper, pass out, etc. – I didn’t really want to do that in front of her. I have told by a more than a few people that it was going to hurt like hell but my wife said it hardly hurt when she had hers done. Majority won out and they spooked me. But… they were wrong. I should have listened to the wife. We arrived at Art for Life right on time for my 4pm. A tattooed and pierced man came up to the counter and introduced himself as Pat Murdough and stated he was going to do my tattoo. We talked about what I wanted and where. I gave him the picture; in turn he gave me some paperwork to complete while he was making an outline. After I completed the paperwork, I checked out his portfolio and some of the other artwork around the shop. Not bad. Pat came back, took the paperwork and led me to his area. The tattoo took around two hours. The first hour Pat inked the outline. That was a cakewalk, barely felt anything. The second hour was spent filling it in. Not too bad. The mouth and the parts of the legs closest to the body hurt the most. I’ll admit that I winced a few times and had to close my eyes once or twice during that part. Happy thoughts, Mike, go to your happy place. “Mike, why do you keep smiling?” my sister asked at one point. To which my reply was, “Releasing the endorphins.” I think I saw on TV or read in a book, maybe from the radio. I don’t know exactly where I heard it from but smiling releases endorphins in the body, which makes people feel better. [ She caught me here mid-smile. ] During the second hour of the inking, Mike Connors, owner and senior tattoo artist, came over and said a woman had some questions on the sanitation process they use for piercings. Pat asked me if it was ok if she came back. I said sure. What do I care? Long story short, she was asking because she wanted her nipples pierced. I know, sorry, I didn't really work up to climax of that little story. After I was inked, he went over the aftercare procedures with me: wash gently, apply some ointment, don’t touch with dirty hands, no hot tubs, don't expose to direct sunlight, don’t feed it after midnight. Yeah, yeah, I got it. Will I get another one? Maybe. It was a pleasant experience but I have no plans (or the funds) for another anytime soon. There is a design of a spider web with the dates of my marriage and son’s birth that I’m trying to work out in my head. I don’t have it the way I want yet to be able to commit a permanent surface of my body to it. Fin. Show me a man with a tattoo and I'll show you a man with an interesting past. ~Jack London

I want to get a tattoo of myself on my entire body, only two inches taller.

~Steven Wright